Handguns And Second Chances.

2007-05-01T01:17:00.000-07:00

chuck norris will always be my texas ranger, and in that case i dedicate these jokes to the man that invented kick ass.

chuck norris destroyed the periodic table because the only element he believes in is the element of suprise.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity...TWICE

When Chuck Norris jumps into a pool he doesnt get wet........the water gets chuck norris'ed!!

Chuck Norris can delete the Recycling Bin.

Jesus could walk on water but Chuck Norris can swim on land.

There is no theory of evolution; only a list of species which Chuck Norris allows to live.

The automobile was invented as a way to get away from Chuck Norris faster.

There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris once shot an enemy plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"

Chuck Norris was originally cast as the main character in 24, but was replaced by the producers when he managed to kill every terrorist and save the day in 12 minutes and 37 seconds.

2007-04-22T14:40:00.000-07:00

i've been gone away from this blog for so long, its like catching up with an old friend on the mrt. ie : weird as hell. anyway, the reason ive been gone so long is because i was abducted by these canadians, who brought me to japan to teach me the ways of the samurai. i sliced melons with my pinky and killed a praying mantis with the stare of death. i had many japanese wifes and i made them all wear school uniform outfits. the canadians we're pretty nice and they said before i left 2 weeks ago, that this samurai shit would lay me many chicks back in my home country, but i sliced a melon with my pinky at the market and all i got was melon on my shirt.

i dont like this new blogger format. it actually points out your spelling mistakes. like yes i know im spelling wrong you dont have to tell me about it. i dont put my apostrophes, but you dont have to underline it in red. blogs are personal so piss off. i just ate a can of chilli and tomato tuna, and i have to say it was a pile of shit. i didnt taste any chilli. i didnt taste any tomato. i didnt even taste the damm tuna. its no wonder tuna is only good for cats. i also dont like the new msn messenger because it lets people be so sneaky and appear offline and talk to people. however the world must move forward and if you do not follow you will be left behind like an injured victim in an earthquake. "i aint helping you bitch you dont have any legs".

hahah i havent blogged in so long, and yet i STILL dont have anything good to say. its amazing i still have a blog or continue it. i wanna work for FHM one day man. y'know writer, photographer, model oiler, model oiler, model oiler!!!!! but i dont wanna oil the guys, ew. but seriously FHM would be the best place to work man. you get free subscription, well because you write the shit inside, you get to hang out with people who actually know what a good job is, i swear they have beer in their fridge office instead of coffee, and the best part is you just have to write crap about anything on earth, then just insert xxx amount of pictures of sexy girls, and POOF a best selling magazine.

ugh i missed miss singapore universe (on purpose). why because i see better looking people walking down hougang ave 10. i mean seriously are these the cream of the crop of singapore ladies? i dont think so. its so weird i know its like some shit like half brains half looks. but its also a beauty contest. i mean shrek was a great guy, but chicks didnt really dig him that much. who judges these things anyway? i mean last years one. jade seah is such a hawt piece of yummy, and she didnt even win! what is wrong with the world. anyway its 6am, and i have to go pour h20 over my body and go for NS!

NS yes the place i spend my time so that my mind does not dissolve into a putty.

bye!

2007-04-12T06:20:00.000-07:00

2007-03-10T21:12:00.000-08:00

2007-02-25T07:52:00.000-08:00

get a fucking earpeice!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! oh my god these kids just dont get it....

2007-02-25T07:03:00.000-08:00

hello people who are alive, or dead people who can read blogs.

today is a fine day, every morning is the dawn of a new error. you (a message to myself)know you really should learn to close the curtains shut before you sleep, because when the bitch of a sun rises in the morning, it is very bright. and when you leave a tiny gap the size of a straw open, that bitch is gonna shine in, DIRECTLY on your face. oh my god i tell you. my brain babies came out and they started shouting at each other. one baby is fat and lazy. the other one is fat and even more lazy. so one is telling me go and close the curtains and then you can sleep peacefully. and the other one is like no dont you wont get back to sleep. so i was in a dilema here as what to do. should i get up but i was much to tired in the bones. and then my mother brain came out and she was like you babies are so fucking stupid, just roll over. so i did and i slept peacefully...

damm my eczema is damm itchy la. i think i should put rubber stopped on my fingers, but then id probably take them off. just check it out here.

this is me modeling the latest eczema

but on the other hand i was thinking today, damm i could use it to pick up chicks man. i'd be standing next to a hot girl on the mrt and she'd be looking at my arms and i'd look at her and be like, "yeah i fell in some radioactive liquid once, but i can see through clothes now, your wearing black aint ya? heh heh". what would follow would probably involve a cheek and a hand. YEAH id touch her buttocks i knew you were all thinking that!!

i thought of other stuff too, but its too crazily good to share it with other guys, so NEH. actually i dont think their good at all. they all sound horny and stupid. man im falling sick again. maybe its true since my friend said to me today, "james you look like fuck man what happened?". y'know the feeling when all your bones feel heavy like their falling into your skin? then you lie down you feel like hot air is blowing around you, and the air from the fan feels like a thousand needles trying to penetrate you through your insufficient blanket. i had 39.6 degree fever last saturday and now its coming back i think. man 39.6 is high balls. aiya die then die la. relax man its just life. if your life ends just try again next time la.

okay over and out bitches. ill be waitin on the mrt for the girl with the black bra! see ya!

2007-02-09T01:19:00.000-08:00

i think the world is bias against groups of five. five is an odd number, it cannot be split into two neither can it be split into three of four. a group of five always has problems, and its societies duty to change it. a coffee shop table, or table at a restaurant has 4 seater tables. if you have a fifth member, he or she must pull over a chair and block the passage way for others. same in a bus, the seats at the front have two facing two. where is the fifth person supposed to sit? and if they sit on normal ones, hes going to feel left out. what happens if your eating KFC for example, where they have the buddy meal. two can share, the other two can share. but poor old fifth member has to spend $2 extra. same with a band. drummer, bassist, two guitarists. unless your all cool and have a keyboardist, then theres only space for four! so next time do yourself and your friends a favour. if you have four people and someone wants to come along. for the good of everyone, say NO! (unless its a really hot girl who you might have a chance of getting jiggy with.) (or a really rich guy who likes to buy you stuff (which is realy rare(unless hes gay(which then becomes scary)))

WHY AM I TALKING ABT GROUPS.
I HAVE NO FRIENDS.
I TALK TO PAPER ALL DAY!
AND...
IT DOESNT TALK BACK.
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

2007-01-25T02:01:00.000-08:00

hello strangers, friends and stereotyped fat guy with donut! this entry shall be my feeble attempt to revive a dead blog, althought technically things that are dead cannot be revived unless your the messiah or satanic and have a spare altar around. anyway.. ever since the tagboard died on the right there, i havent really been inspired to write anything, although even when it was around there wasnt much on it ( thanks guys ). but alas i feel the need to write stuff and the only way to satisfy that need is well, to write stuff.

before i write anything else can i just make a shoutout to all secondary school kids. mobile handphones, with phones in bold, are for talking to and messaging people. they are NOT for fucking playing music of any genre in public transport. and if you do want to play music in public transport, there is a freaking good reason why someone invented the earpeice. goddaaym!@ i mean nobody wants to listen to your chinese love songs which all contain the same three words (wo ai ni). or your freaky death metal. its just not nice to other people taking the same train/bus as you. so neh.

the other day in the office i encountered a strange situation. i was collecting a printout and my office mate was next to me and he said, "wow you smell nice. a mixture of lavender and saf smell." now i didnt really know if i was being complimented or not. and plus i was kinda freaked out because he looks gay. and when you work in a place with people who are downgraded to E status (A being the best), (E being the worst). there is a high chance you encounter people who are a bit kookoo, or just gay, not that gay people get downgraded, but usually they are because they are gay. know what i mean? okay nevermind. so i took the best option, which is appeasement, ala chamberlain and hitler, and said "thanks" and ran away. which is the same as saying i did not smash him in the face with the nearest stapler. from then on hes been calling me sugarplum. but according to the rest of the guys, he does it to everyone, so i guess im safe. yipee. okay so...

i wanna make a few more shoutouts because i think they are neccesary.

1) the bus is not a catwalk.
2) your not allowed to have your butt meat hanging out of your skirt, or up out of your jeans.
3) plsplsplsplsplsplsplslpsls dont rush into the mrt when people are trying to get out. i mean your not going to get a seat anyway?

check out this video, its so sad.

2007-01-14T06:25:00.000-08:00

its the secret smiles she passes, across the dining table.
its the way her skin brushes yours.
its the way she swirls, and falls, so delightfully.
its she, and shes everything.

2006-12-08T04:49:00.000-08:00

so here i am sitting in camp, using the internet on my duty night. such an amazing thing the navy is. since i joined the navy i have proudly put on 3-4Kg. my pants feel tighter and my stomach fuller than ever. i dont use my running shoes anymore, so i dont have to wash them. i sit in air con, so my uniform doesnt have to be washed (often). but not everything here is slack okay. fat people dont do physical stuff, we do clerical work, and fucking lots of it. thats how they work these nsfs i tell you. you do national service. and they downgrade you like mad, because they NEED you to do their clerical bullshit. if nsf's didnt exist, these people would have no slaves or donkeys to deliver/file/retrieve their documents and files. you see if we didnt have unfit people, the army and defence force of singapore would crumble. its like having the guys with guns. but freaking hell you need to have someone who knows who they are and where to send them and shit like that. otherwise they'd just be standing around all the time. yeah..

anyway, i think i just shot myself in the foot. but anyway, have you guys read the paper on thursday? the front page of straits times. the thing about the 9 millionth tourist arriving in singapore? bloody hell it was so fuckin hillarious. they crowed this russian lady the 9 millionth visitor to singapore, and gave her a limousine trip and $35000 worth of shopping vouchers and other shit. yes that was not a typo error, $35000. i was like "WtFf!@@#@???". i mean you read that and you move on. but i didnt i sat and i thought ( yes i actually have time to do stuff like that). can you imagine the person behind her? HAHAAHhaHAhahahahAHAHah. that guy must be like fuckin unlucky lah. 35k in shopping vouchers, just cause somebody walked faster than you, or got through customs faster. hahaha freakin hell. but whats worse, imagine the people in front of her. rushing through customs, walking past her AND the people with the bouquet and the big "9 millionth tourist" banner. wondering what the hell is this? then looking behind and seeing her being crowed and bestowed with 35000 dollars of shopping vouchers. mwahahahah!!!

yay christmas is coming. and i got this same duty on christmas eve. so ill probably be blogging about how life sucks and how the entire universe just seems like a gigantic ball of shit. i can just imagine myself on that day. awesome.

okay its time to take my sedative pills, otherwise ill be scratching all night long baby. hope i can wake up in time to collect breakfast, if not i think my ass is going to be torn apart.

no i mean it.

like literally, torn.

2006-11-26T00:00:00.000-08:00

2006-11-24T07:20:00.000-08:00

i have to let the world know the funniest fitness machine next to the igallop. i mean the igallop was bad enough, but this is almost just as funny. plus they front it with a hot girl, so its a disgrace.

yeah shake shake shake the flab off. look at all those cool things you can do with it. its so flabelous. and thats flabelous with a è !! first of all when you make a fitness machine you dont use the word flab at all because its just going to make the customer depressed as it reminds them of the fact that they have flab and therefore since their buying the machine, their flabby. secondly you dont call the machine flabelous and make a hot girl your front woman as she isnt flabby. if you going to call it that put lydia sum on the machine or maybe moses lim. now they have plenty of flab. but then again youd have to waste money on bigger advertisements. also the machine is so freaking small, how do they expect flabby people to get on it.

sigh the world.

guess what happpened on my favourite form of transport (yeah right), the MRT. picture this,the train doors are closing, the alarm is beeping. and this lady is running full speed towards the doors. her friend trailing behind her. as the doors inch closer together she starts screaming and as they are jus inches away from crushing anything in their path, she squeezes in, still screaming and shouting. she makes in just and starts laughing histerically at her friend who couldnt make it. the doors are now closed, and the mrt is full. this lady starts laughing at her friend on the other side of the doors and shouts, "NEXT STOP, NEXT STOP". and everyones eyes turn to look at her. shes still laughing, but suddenly realised what she has done, and suddenly pulls her face into embarrassment.

and i am laughing my freaking ass off in the corner there. AHAHahhahaHAH....

okay im off. need to get back to my plans to make my first million by 20. so far it involves late nights, my ass and hillary duff cds.

2006-11-22T21:49:00.000-08:00

came back from malaysia this week. its amazing how during ns you can actually go on a holiday. its better than even being in school. i can actually take a day off, for free! no mc, no parents letter. its called leave and i like it! i like it alot. its funny though being in a different country, not knowing how to speak malay, only phrases like saya boleh makan, or mak kau or jalan kampong. however in malaysia sometimes its easy to understand things, because sometimes its so similar to english. now as i sit and think about it the guy who invented malay must have been pretty lazy. "aiyah, just take english words and change some of the letters lah! nobody will know". therefore you can (as i did) walk through a shopping district and stumble across

"Kafe, Bakeri & Kek"

now i'd say thats a pretty easy one to decipher. if you cant, well then you must not speak english (or malay) or you might just have a brick as a head. or you might be blind, but then you wouldnt know what i'd have been talking about unless someones reading it to you. and then if you still dont know then you must have a brick as a head, be blind and have someone who has a brick for a head reading it out to you.

another exciting thing about malaysia is the amount of porn they have. jesus christ. they have more porn in the streets than cars. i bet if you put all the porn together, it'll peak the petronas towers. but the best part of malaysia shopping is the bargaining. its so fun seeing how low their price will go.

the guy says 45RM.
"nah so expensive"
okok, 35RM good price!
"the other guy can give cheaper"
okok 30RM last price.
"25RM i buy from you, confirm"
hmmm, (30 second pause) ok 25RM.
"20RM can?"
Cannot lah!
"okay nevermind then"
OKOKOK.. 20RM final price.

ahh beautiful.

on the topic of beautiful. my beautiful skin and i took a trip to the skin centre yesterday. yes the place where i feel most at home in amongst the fucked up looking people (yes thats us apparently). but it kinda weird sometimes because going into a skin clinic you kinda expect to see people like you, with hands that look like the creature from the black lagoon. but no your wrong. they all seem perfectly fine, in fact some have almost perfect skin texture and tone. and you sit there and wonder... i wonder what rash they have. where is it? oh my god its so fascinating. you try and diagnose each person just by looking at them. what kind of fungal infection do they really have under that perfect outer shell.

anyway apparently, according to the doctor my skin is fucking jialat* (*doomed). not that i havent noticed as its affecting my sleep, my social life and everything in between which includes food somehow. so she loaded me up with plenty of ammunication, also knows to normal humans as cream. ( generously paid for by the singapore goverment aka: taxpayers, aka: you : thanks) and now im sitting here covered in creams of all sorts. oiled up, shining, glossy and ready to take on the world.

if you are curious about skin problems, go to this link http://tray.dermatology.uiowa.edu/DermImag.htm
its a image base for skin problems. its kinda sick so dont eat before or after looking at them. okay dont eat at all. or dont look. dont do either, go and kiss your mum on her forehead and tell her you love her.

2006-11-01T01:08:00.000-08:00

so my friendster has been "hacked"by a smart little ah beng. so if i have delivered any unsavoury testimonials, i am le sorry.

2006-10-19T09:39:00.000-07:00

my hands feel like two slabs of concrete rubbing against each other.
like skin on gravel, like gravel on skin.
fuckin ezcema taking over my body.

2006-10-12T07:30:00.000-07:00

my nose is running like leonardo di caprio from tom hanks in "catch me if you can". its running like a running tap. like linford cristie. like forest gump on a leg-device. like a running tap. i already said that. you know what i never understood why a tap is "running" when switched on. maybe it comes from how a machine "runs" when it is working. so when a tap is working then it is running. but then when it comes to noses, it must mean the same thing then that when it is running, it is actually working. but your nose isnt supposed to work like that. what is a nose for? (apart from smelling) why didnt god just make everything smell nice. then we wouldnt need a nose. and he could make everything taste nice. then we wouldnt need tongues. but wait if we didnt have noses or tongues then we wouldnt really taste at all so he wouldnt have to make anything taste of anything really. then there wouldnt really be much point in making anything at all. and so maybe he should have done nothing, but if did nothing why does he exist. what does he do? so maybe there wouldnt be a god. there would just be little asteroids and space debris floating around and a couple of planets hanging out. but if there isnt any life or god, then what are the planets there for? their useless so they might as well not exist at all either. and without planets obviously we dont need a sun or solar system, or universe. so then i think smelling is rather important now, dont you think.

lets talk about other senses. like seeing and hearing. you know something else i think about when im doing nothing ( which is most part of my day ). i think, what about those schools for the blind and deaf. do they go to school together? how do they communicate? i mean the deaf kids would be like sign language-ing, but the blind kids cant see it! and the blind kids cant talk to the deaf kids because they cant hear! do they just run around hitting each other with sticks? i think that would be a rather fun school. we could have teachers who cant see or hear, so they can relate to both parties. that would be a wickid school man, id like to go there. id pretend to be blind and just keep staring at the hot teacher who is ALSO blind. hahaha that would be awesome... it'd be like mutual blindness, and we could make sweet blind love. and nobody would know because their DEAF!!!

dammit i hate councillors. i used to have to go to one. they talk to you like.. i dunno it makes it worse. they just make your problems seem worse. its like "so do you want to talk about it? is it bothering you?". it doesnt bother me! it doesnt bother me! it doesnt bother me! fuck off!!!! and they'd reply "your angry, its okay channel your anger". im not angry!! your making me angry because i didnt start off angry! i never saw the point of councillors. i mean IF you we're a bit cukoo in the head, you tell a councillor... thats it brother/sister. your into a centre for loonies. they just tell everyone else what you said. thats the point. dont tell em, ssshhhh. why do you think they write everything down. so they can fax it to doctors, DUH. or maybe their just writing their shopping list because they really couldnt give a crap about you, just like 32 of their other patients. "oh okay your the one with divorce... hmm wait a minute let me get my flow chart, okay where do we start okay here...... so how do you feel since it happened?". what am i saying i really dont know anymore i haven't blogged in so long its just all coming out and i cant stop it.

i have run out of anything more meaningful to say that will directly benefit you, so i shall fill the rest of the space here by inserting ROCK SIGNS! \m/\m/\m/\m/\m/\m/\m/\m/\m/\m/\m/\m/\m/\m/\m/\m/\m/\m/\m/\m/\m/\m/\m/
\m/\m/\m/\m/\m/\m/\m/\m/\m/\m/\m/\m/\m/\m/\m/\m/\m/\m/\m/\m/\m/\m/\m/
\m/\m/\m/\m/\m/\m/\m/\m/\m/\m/\m/\m/\m/\m/\m/\m/\m/\m/\m/\m/\m/\m/\m/
\m/\m/\m/\m/\m/\m/\m/\m/\m/\m/\m/\m/\m/\m/\m/\m/\m/\m/\m/\m/\m/\m/\m/
\m/\m/\m/\m/\m/\m/\m/\m/\m/\m/\m/\m/\m/\m/\m/\m/\m/\m/\m/\m/\m/\m/\m/
\m/\m/\m/\m/\m/\m/\m/\m/\m/\m/\m/\m/\m/\m/\m/\m/\m/\m/\m/\m/\m/\m/\m/
\m/\m/\m/\m/\m/\m/\m/\m/\m/\m/\m/\m/\m/\m/\m/\m/\m/\m/\m/\m/\m/\m/\m/

2006-10-11T05:51:00.000-07:00

i was um walking down the street the other day,
i saw this homeless man and he had a sign post that said,
"anything will do"
so well, i gave him a sign post.
yeah...

2006-09-25T10:51:00.000-07:00

I was in love with the place
in my mind, in my mind.
I made a lot of mistakes
in my mind in my mind.

2006-09-22T09:36:00.000-07:00

thursday in the office was pretty productive. if by productive you mean slicing your fingertip with a pen knife, and getting food poisoning and spending the rest of your afternoon over the toilet bowl, then i guess you are spot on.

you cant blame me, i was just cutting stuff normally when the penknife took an unexpected veer to the left scimming atop the ruler and into the soft nerve-filled flesh of my index finger. i recoiled in agony as i squeezed it in an atempt to stop all pain from reaching my brain. but in doing so only managed to juice the blood out from the opening, a dark crimson ooze. okay maybe im exaggerating, but it hurt like crap and i want some sympathy, since everyone in the office didnt even notice as they we're too busy listening to chio san san, doing random meaningless work or pretending to. and hey your finger tips are the most sensitive part of the body! so there.

anyway, as i said i was suddenly attacked by a case of food poisoning, and regurgitated my whole meal of fish and chips up in 2 sessions at the toilet bowl. i even trusted my boss in accepting his offer of some chit-kit ( chinese medicine which are the black balls things), but it only tasted like shit, which made me vomit another time. i guess you gotta be chinese to take chinese medicine or am i just being racist here. hey peace my yellow friends.

anyway im on MC today, a slightly amusing coincidence since i was supposed to be co-emcee(haha get it? MC emcee...) for some closing ceremony for the 5power meetings. but luckily fate has let me out of those grasps so i dont have to speak in an ever so controlled fake tone in front of people who dont give a crap about you, yay hooray for me! yay... sigh..

i feel so supressed by the saf. just because of my medical condition they have banished me to an office prison. i could have gone far. i could be rolling on top of a tank, or parachuting out a plane or leading men through an assault course or fire-ing a anti tank gun at a tank and making it anti-ed, or losing weight, or flying a fighter jet. but no! we will never know what i was truly capable of, what was my capacity for leadership and my decisiveness in times of crisis. we will never know what i could have been. why? because i my friends, have dry skin!

instead i spend my afternoons using a ruler and pen knife to cut little shapes with peoples names on them, and cut myself in the process. i dont know how we as clerks take this. my brothers of the paper, we should stand up and fulfill our glory! rise amongsts the ranks of the injured and medically challenged.

(okay la okay la stfu la enough of this bullshit james.)

im sorry sometimes i get a bit too carried away. maybe its these pills im taking. their awfully strangely coloured and very large.

oh and thanks for all the birthday greetings and stuff.... :)

2006-09-13T06:55:00.000-07:00

2006-09-07T10:02:00.000-07:00

"the f**king best video rachel has ever shown to me. the f**king best video in the f**king world."
if you are sane, you will click PLAY.
thank you come again.

2006-08-26T09:18:00.000-07:00

you know the kinda luck. the kind that is kinda like a word that rhymes with it but starts with a f? you know the kind that you get when you have two buses to take ( 87 and 72) but as you are heading to take 72 you change your mind and decide to take bus 87 at the other bus stop, but as you walk towards it, it goes hurtling pasts you and the bus stop is way to far to run. so you turn back and walk towards the other bus stop but at the traffic lights suddenly 72 appears, like a bastard with a snigger. and it too does the worst and goes past you. it always happens you know. i could be 10-15 seconds in front and i would have caught it. but no it chooses the exact moment where its impossible.

singapore idol is becoming such a joke already. honestly i dont really know why i am watching or following it, but i just cant help watching just to find out which songs their going to screw up again. as one by one the good singers are ousted from the biggest singing competition, we are left with people who cant sing better than someone with a cat down their throat and a tongue twisted ten times over. and by people, here of course i am referring to the two guys. oh wait there are 4 guys left. severe lack of male voting here i presume. reason : no hot girls. i mean if there were hot girls in it, then daaaym id be watching it intently. but there aint none! there is a severe flaw in the voting process. they should just rig it all and let mathilda win. even though she looks like my mother. no serious. she does. not that thats a bad thing or whatever.

i always hate it when people on tv phrase their sentences with a question, then give the answer immediately. its like freaking hell arent you gonna give me a chance to guess? they'd just be like, "and what did john do?" "well, he killed himself". and i'd be sitting there thinking to myself, "wheres the cheese at? oh crap what? oh she already told me.. bugger". or maybe they'd go "and what happened next?" "they all perished". people have to understand that choice of words play a significant part in the viewers experience. if you immediately gratify the viewer with the answer he is not going to be able to use his brain. this is where television gets its label as the idiot box.

its all about choice.

i made a wrong choice last night. i wanted to find out if someone was sleeping ( who was on the other side of the room). so i got the person next to him's attention and then made a sleep signal (putting my palms together and resting them against the side of my head, slightly tilting it at the same time) and then pointed to sleeper. she then woke him up!! wtf. i didnt want her to wake him up but she did. so i realised if i had pointed first before making the sleep sign it would of had the right outcome. you see the sleep signal then point means, "hes sleeping? wake him up for me" while the point and sleep signal means "look at him. is he sleeping?"

but enough about signs and sleeping and choices. because signs of sleepiness are getting to me. so ill make the choice of sleeping now. this is me, signing off to sleep. choice.

2006-08-20T12:35:00.000-07:00

so finally getting my mp3 player fixed on warranty from the great chaps at creative. please never buy a product from them again. first of all their 118million bucks into debt at the moment and thats not a good thing, and secondly their things just spoil. like milk curdling. they just stop being workable all of a sudden. lastly because their customer service centre is in fucking jurong! i mean what kinda customer care is that? its jurong dammit. nobody goes there. and you have to cross a field to get there. so anyway i went there about six something and guess what apart from the people working there the entire place was empty. it was like a scene from dawn of the dead, in the shopping centre where its completely deserted. except there were less zombies, well none. so i approach the customer service desk and theres like 5 people sitting there. haahhhaahha. FIVE of them doing absolutely nothing!!! and i was like... "err hi which one is going to.. uhh service me?". realising i had just made a very bad pun in front of five strangers, the rest of the transaction was slightly awkward. but anyway their fixing it and thats a good thing.

but seriously JURONG guys (what guys?). i came from camp, which is in CHANGI? so i stood on the train all the way from tanah merah to jurong east and my friends(what friends?) that is an entire green line of mrt travel spent on your feet. and that wasnt enough, i stood all the way to city hall to meet loo lye kiang. thats like half an entire green line my friends. and at city hall it was like a human overflow, there we're people everywhere and they moved like rivers and flowed through gaps, around me like a rock in a flowing stream. there was actually an announcement, "the station is crowded. if you are not taking the train please leave the station". and it repeated every fucking 5 seconds, in my 10 minute wait for loo. holy shit i swear i was going mad, i was beginning to lip sync with it.

and that was last week, i dont know what its still doing under draft cause i meant to publish it but i guess that never happened. the dad has a blog! omg yes its true, not all old people ( sorry dad) are in on the blogger craze, but doing it in style and with a certain amount of hilarity, he has. check it out at www.arthurseat.blogspot.com .

hmmm this post was supposed to be here ages ago, so well.. here it is. not a very exciting one but better than a slap on the face with a wet fish eh.

2006-08-13T10:38:00.000-07:00

2006-08-13T10:30:00.000-07:00

2006-08-06T08:09:00.000-07:00

i was just browsing through pictures in my computer, with the intention of sorting them out. the keyword being intention because everything in the computer is in a mess. folders are full of subfolders which then have sub sub folders and then it gets too complicated. but anyhow, i came across pictures frommy jc exam paper from last year and i just thought i should share it with you. i will share the actual essay later on, because im feeling rather energetic and my fingers are in a rage to type it all out. well now i find there a need to defend myself in this bashing the teacher has taken upon me and my drawing. i'd finished my essay early and the teacher was like using his laptop ( which made him the subject of a bad porno joke later) so i decided to draw my favourite comic book hero. well he doesnt really exist but anyway. i think it was rather nice, no?

and the teacher, taking the law into his own hands decided to bash this drawing and create a character of his own. i mean cmon pffwoaar what is that?? it looks like some kinda i dont know what, but just pathetic. and dude i dont even know what hes saying?? what do you mean its "D for da stickman" and that your going to "beat my character to death for D". okay so obviously D is like some high being and this is his minion. kinda like zordon and the power rangers. but please beat rocket man to death?? with that thing? he even had the cheek to come and tell me that my character was bad because it didnt have legs. and that he wouldnt be able to move around. and i just felt like saying "DUDE!! its rocket man. he FLIES!! he doesnt need legs." what about yours? it doesnt even have arms for gods sake. and whats that piece of crap coming outta his right cheek? i only have one thing to say teacher person. "how dare you draw caricatures while marking scripts? too much time is it? goverment pay you too much money is it? not enough work to do is it? har?" geez.

i managed to pass the exam anyway. so neh.

2006-07-29T03:08:00.000-07:00

2006-07-28T23:42:00.000-07:00

i shall now present to you the paragraphs of boredom. a four part series in which the art of crap shall be demonstrated, and where the product of stoning shall be discovered. come join me as we dive into the words which i call... "uterus bullshiterus!", lets go!

(i hope i dont get charged for the following story)
national service is the time in every singaporean males life when they are called up to serve and protect the nation. its a time of tough training and test of mental strength. the lives of their family members, loved ones and friends are resting on their shoulders. with the threat of terrorism on the rise, we all know the importance of serving our ns and we must take it upon ourselves to rise to the challenge and endure the hardship that comes along with the training. its our responsibility to learn how to protect our nation. as for me however, i spend my national service sitting on my arse writing this bullshit in this office. lovely...

(the following story is totally fiction)
Claire. she was the best thing that ever happened to me in high school. we started off so innocently by passing each other smiles ta lunch and looking away shyly. one day i plucked up enough courage to ask her out to watch a movie. it was great and we were so alike. we held hands on the second date. we kissed on our third and we made out on the fourth and by the sixth date i knew where her secret mole was. i thought it was love and we promised to marry at eighteen. i walked her home everyday from school. all my friends teased me about it but i couldnt help it, she was the one for me. i swear and i swore, i'd love her forever. well that was last month. i met joanna in the local deli. man this girl was fine. we..........

(the following story makes me seem kinda weird, but im not)
and i watched the ant as it tumbled though the gaps in my hair and i felt each of its tiny legs clambering on my pores, as it stumbled foolishly around from point to point. and i took up my finger poised to attack the invading creature on my arm. i went in for the attack and poked it lightly to frighten it first. it took off in an insane frenzy and ran like it was being chased by a giant finger. well it was so i dont really blame the poor wee bugger. and then with a tilt of my arm i sent it into a clumsy roll hanginon for dear life and then flying through the air landing on the desk with nothing more than a light bounce. i swear however i could see the fear on its feelers. it then wriggled itself upright and continued on as if the past event had never happened at all. and i looked at it with contempt. and i thought, gee what a dumbass, and then proceeded to pick it up and repeat the whole process again.

the world is filled with weird people. there are skinny people who are on diets but really shouldnt. and there are fat people who arent on diets but really should. there are crazy people who make the most sense, but only to themselves. and there are overly sane people who do make sense even to themselves. there are smart people who take risks and end up poor. there are dumbass people who strike it lucky and live like kings. there are preists who go to brothels and there are atheists that stay away. there are lawyers that protect the guilty. and there are lawyers that protect the innocent, except their the same lawyer. there is a child dying of severe hunger and malnutrition. and theres a kid in the us shouting at mom cause she forgot to put ketchup on the side. theres a wife who prefers the mailman. a son that ran away. and a daughter that actually wants to be a son. there is that internet company that says they will fix your viruses. there that same internet company that gave you the viruses in the first place. there the blind guy that see's clearer than a pilot and a pilot who see's clearer than the president. and there are people that actually do work around here, and theres me...

2006-07-22T23:50:00.000-07:00

2006-07-21T09:56:00.000-07:00

today i could blog about something exciting. i could tell you of how i've overcome materialistic and hedonistic tendencies to become a better person and realise that what i have is enough and i should be happy with my life. i could recount to you my week in which ive managed to connect with nature and obtain its energies to add to my own, thus being at one with the universe in total bliss. or maybe i could have an entry that goes on about how my life is a mess and its depressing and black and miserable and how the weekend offers nothing more of the week. i guess it doesnt matter when you become comfortable with your own company and you start to enjoy it. then theres those moments where you see a cat jump from the second storey and land perfectly unharmed and you go "holy shit, wish somebody was here to see that". and you keep the image in thought of sharing it with someone later, but you think and you think and you dont know who.

but no, im just dumb. i shall take a trip to dreamland and when i wake i shall with a smile and i shall be happy for this is only temporary. what would james say to himself if he was a sulky bastard. tsk.

2006-07-14T08:11:00.000-07:00

i dont know who the hell designed my mouth, but it just so happens that whenever im eating my left molar just seems to keep chunking together with the one on top and hence chunking out my side flesh of my mouth. and it happens once and then it swells so its bigger and therefore theres more chance of it getting bitten again. and so it keeps getting bitten over and over and this takes place at several times during each meal. i dont mean to complain like this but really life is getting harder by the day. first its the whole waking up thing which has to be done, then theres like living and breathing and stuff and then now a bite hole in my mouth flesh! it just gets worse...

the newspaper is depressing. rape/murder/hate/molest/headbut/skeleton in toilet/headbut.

after spending an average of 14 hours a day sitting in an office doing absolutely nothing except reading and sleeping and eating, ive let my mind loose to wander the plains of thought and after much wandering i've arrived with several key issues i think should be brought to hand. the first being the ad i saw in the newspaper. "bust enhancing serum". yea as it says just rub in on your boobs and they will be bigger/firmer and attract more business tycoons. how the hell does this serum work? i wonder, and then i thought shit, what if you accidentally spilt the serum (all of it) all over your leg?? would you grow a F-CUP right there? damm that would be embarrassing man. or worse still you mixed it up with your face wash and you became a walking booby! holy crap. its a miracle this serum, no surgery no pain, just serum.

i also started to ponder the validity of vegetarians. i mean you dont eat meat because you watched bambi or whatever, but why do you eat meat flavoured starch? or things that taste and look like meat. its like you wont eat pork, but youd eat something that looks and tastes like pork. its like eating kitten flavoured potato chips, its just wrong. bambi wouldnt want you to eat something that tasted like it. would i go as far as saying next cannibals will substitute human flesh with stuff that tastes slightly human. maybe they have prostetic legs with starch all over it in curry or something. mmm tasty!!

okay next i was thinking about tiger balm. does it really make you fierce but a but slightly crazy at the same time. heehee that was a very short thought but it made me giggle. (tiger)(balmy) <-- get it?

heres one that gao raised over ice cream and latte. how did mickey, donald, goofy and pluto all meet each other? and its a bloody good question. i mean ones a mouse, the others a duck and the other two are dogs ( goofys sort of a dog right?) and none of them speak english, they just make their respective noises. well in the old cartoons anyway. dont tell me they went to school together because thats just ridiculous. well i dont have the answer. but well maybe walt was high on something contraband at the time and thought, "hey ill draw a mouse that has a dog as a pet and talks to a duck whose friend is also a dog but yet doesnt have anything against mickey having pluto as a pet, heh ill be a millionaire!"

so obviously im using my time in camp very wisely. next week i shall think about why letter I, L,F and E are all made by adding another line to the previous one. i shall also ponder why vegetables have to taste so bad and also try and stare away my belly.

well thats all from me folks.

2006-07-02T04:25:00.000-07:00

and it goes like this.

the how are yous?

and the how you beens?

2006-06-23T09:28:00.001-07:00

"heavens not a place that you go when you die, its that moment in life, when you actually feel alive"

2006-06-20T04:36:00.000-07:00

let me tell you the definition of embarrassing. its taking the train after you book out from camp and your in your army uniform. and theres a kid in the train car. and he is shouting to his mummy. "mummy ITS a SOLDIER!! mUMMY!? its A SOLDIEr!! sooOOooLDIER!!!!! BAnG BANG!" and behind my wish for him to maybe swallow a knife, i pull a smile, slowly and ever so sincere.

why do i always get this kinda fukin unlucky shit..... ( a continuition on my journey through life from previous posts if you have noticed)

2006-06-18T03:09:00.000-07:00

and once again i sit at home feeling the upper limit of boredom. and then i think what would happen if a sexy nurse appeared in my bedroom suddenly. but i slap myself (not literally) and think back to what the chinese wiseman once said to me, in the garden. he said to me, "young son, if you want pretty nurse, be patient!". im not going to hurt myself so i guess ill just wait then. but then i get so hungry you know, like theres some kind of beast pounding the floor of my stomach. i wish i knew how to cook, then i could make something tasty to eat instead of instant noodles or nutella or biscuits or cheese triangles. but anyway its kinda like the famous saying, "give a man a fish and he will eat for one day. teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat and drink beer." or somethig like that. wow my first paragraph has two quotations, this could become a theme.

ah yes 18th june 2006. 191 years ago on this same day, did you know? heres an interesting day in history for you. exactly 191 years ago was the battle of waterloo where napolean (yeah the short dude) was defeated by wellington and blucher. so yes, theres something you can tell your friends. and they will go "wow! are you serious? woaah..!!". or maybe not. and tomorrow, it will be 14 years since the movie "batman returns" came out, which honestly isnt very interesting so you might not wanna tell your friends that.

so its back to army life tomorrow. why does time seem to pass so quickly when your out, its amazing. time flies man. and it flies like how superman flies, and that aint slowly. so anyway i've been posted to the navy! - cue song - "in the navy..nanananana". wait i already talked about this. jesus whats wrong with me. who am i talking to anyways? i have no clue.

someone tell me gemma ward is not a goddess.

2006-06-18T03:02:00.000-07:00

A British company is developing computer chips that store music in women's breast implants.

This is a major breakthrough, women are always complaining about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them.

and I LAUGHED AND LAUGHED AHAHAHHA..............

2006-06-14T05:10:00.000-07:00

the world is going crazy. no seriously it is. just reading some online news and i found these interesting articles which i shall show you. firstly we have, "SYRACUSE, N.Y. (AP) — A burglary suspect was charged with a string of crimes after bolting from a hospital, naked, handcuffed and with blood spurting from a stab wound in his chest. A deputy had removed Rashon Delee’s leg shackles so he could use the toilet at Crouse Hospital when he decided to make his run Sunday afternoon, said Onondaga County Sheriff Kevin Walsh. " funny part is he eluded police for 2 hours after escaping. how hard is it to find a naked man in handcuffs? i suppose it is, if he hides in a garbage can. ah...

next up we have, "The Orange County Register COSTA MESA – A man trying to hang himself from the Adams Avenue Bridge fell and died early today, and a bicyclist who later hit the body was injured, police reported." chaos, ah the chaos.

last but not least, "ROCHESTER, N.Y. (AP) -- A man is suing an auto-parts store for assault and battery after he attempted to hold up the business and employees responded by beating him with a metal pipe. Dana Buckman, 46, walked into an auto shop brandishing a semiautomatic pistol last summer, only to have it turned on him by two AutoZone employees, police said. The men beat Buckman with a metal pipe and held him with his own gun." who the hell holds up a auto parts store? firstly they dont have money in there and secondly its filled with people who hold up other places, their big tough and covered in grease and sweat. its the last place you should hold up. especially if your a pussy boy. oh well...

all this happened some time ago in the last month or so. but still the world is not what it used to be like. people dont watch television anymore, they build their lives around it and what time the OC is on. food isnt as tasty as it used to be because it usually comes in packets and styrofoam boxes. the weather is going all nuts raining and shining ever so bright in a matter of minutes. music is becoming like clothing. clothing is becoming like music. everybody wants someone else. someonelse wants you! and you want nobody. and me, well i want a two piece chicken meal, with cheese fries instead of whipped potato. that'll be $8. wtf!!! how come? its just a chicken and some potatoes? its not even a proper chicken, its one of those mutated insanely large chickens. which if you didnt know, at night when your sleeping. they have body building contests in the shed. bloody hell. and hey whats so special about celebrity boobs? they're boobs man come on dont get so excited.

i wish i had cable television, then i could watch the world cup at home. and thus not miss moments like when australlia beat japan 3-1. i still cant beleive i didnt stay for the 10 minutes. god why are you punishing me like this? after shoes i think im on a roll, i wanna draw all over my walls, then ill go downstairs and draw all over the lift, then the HDB, then all over hougang. and then.... then ill come for you!

anyway i got my posting today already. i am going to be on a big boat and press little buttons and watch flashing pretty lights and maybe fire a torpedo or two and wear headphones and go "yes commander! i've spotted it on my radar. permission to fire sir?". in the NAVY, y'know how the song goes. anyway im starting to get the feeling the army is biased. all the melayu in my platoon all went to SCDF. like what the hell man. but anyway as one of them once told me, "when the munjens defending the country during war... we minorities wreck havoc in the country". and thats how the cookie crumbles.

goodluck my brothers to whatever posting you get. especially all those going sispec. you all die ready! hahah but when you get out you can come knock me down. ciao!

2006-06-13T08:48:00.000-07:00

what happens when you buy cheap shoes, happen to have a marker at home, have a lot of free time, some patience and a group of hot models? well except the last one, you'd draw on your shoes, thats what! jesus, i need a job, or a girlfriend or something to prevent myself from destroying shoes.

2006-06-12T10:29:00.000-07:00

was walking around pointlessly in town, when i found this pub with large screen outside showing the japan australlia game. so i thought, hey why not just sit here and watch for free ( sit on the pavement that is). so i caught half the first hald and stayed till late game. and so japan leading 1-0 at the 80th minute, so im like yeah asian pride japan is gonna win, so i get up and go home.

upon reaching home, i check yahoo for some scores and guess what.

Australia stormed to a dramatic late World Cup win over Japan on Monday, scoring their first ever goals in the tournament to triumph 3-1.

why do i always get this kinda fukin unlucky shit....

2006-06-10T23:19:00.000-07:00

watch your step,
but dont be on guard.
you'l be holding the daisy.
she'l be smiling hard.

2006-06-09T23:42:00.000-07:00

it was just one of those days y'know. one of those days you just feel like screaming and tearing out your own eyeballs. let me retell this little tale in a short but heartfelt manner. it all started after our 24km march in tekong. but before i go on i must tell you that we have spent the entire day walknig in rain, soaking through our skin and bucketing down to create a lovely grey and miserable atmosphere which we love so much.so anyway back to the after portion. muscles aching skin rubbed off and feet as sore as the muscles. when we we're given 10 minutes to shower up and pack all our shit ( which is quite a lot). so we come down expecting to take a 6 o clock ferry! but nope, a sergeant goes up to inspect the area and seconds later we find ourselves in the push up position screwing the floor repeatedly. ah yes "maggots, you live in such dirty places". yes the shouting doesnt stop. but yes it does for us to run to the ferry terminal dragging along with us a bag the size of the atlantic ocean. so yeah we reach the terminal lets say around 7 o clock.

so yeah the second part begins. we park ourselves nicely at the front of the ferry terminal being one of the first few to get the 7.30 ferry. so we sit down planning what to eat once we get to pasir ris after catching the chartered bus from changi ferry terminal. yes "i cant wait to get back and eat" we all said to each other, because we hadn't eaten anything since lunch. and then the ferry arrives. joy fills our hearts, but wait something happens which makes us turn to rage. some other company decides to chiong right in front of some of us and we are left with an extra 70 people in front of us. we shout at them and say things which their mother would not be very happy about if she heard them. and so we queue up and low and behold there is not enough space on the ferry. so we are shut out and told the next ferry is at 9 o clock. holy shit this cannot be. we we're right in front. doesnt the saf teach these dudes any integrity. hooligans i tell ya hooligans.

ah but 9pm arrives in a jiffy and we're back in the queue right at the front this time. we're sure to get the ferry. then i go to scan my card on the thingymagig and OMG! guess what it cant scan. my barcode has migically been rubbed off slightly and the machine cannot detect it. so i go to the back of the terminal to get a visitors pass. and woo! shouts for joy im right at the bakck of the queue now. with no friends, no happyness left in my body and running out of sanity. but its okay because this time i get the ferry and then the next punch arrives. im sorry guys there are no more chartered buses at the terminal you gotta go home from there. and so we look at each other in horror/shock/despair. can you imagine 100 people trying to get taxis in changi terminal which is not a very popular place for taxis to venture to.

so after battling with life and waiting for the one taxi to land in front of us, we get it! we stuff ourselves inside and as i should have predicted things wouldnt be getting better. suddenly my ears are the next victim for the day. the uncle has a chinese radio station on, and as if thats not bad enough it keeps breaking up and you cant hear 2 seconds of the song without it goes "kkssshhksshshh". and it goes on and on and on to hougang. just about now im getting slight camps in my legs. worrying for my legs comes as nothing compared to whats comes next. the uncle starts counting his notes on the highway. going at almost 80km/h, he startings flicking notes between his fingers. i mean dam i just did my route march i dont want to die in a car accident, because some dude is counting how much he earned today. jesus christ im sure he went a long way as well because it seemed really long.

i didnt die however, which you would have gathered by now,(unless im a very powerful poltergeist) and if you havent then you should seek some form of schooling or counseling perhaps. but anyway i got home a happy man. i had food drink and the sports illustrated swimsuit model show was on television. so daaym thats all you need to make you feel better... theres always a calm after the storm. woo!

2006-06-09T23:40:00.000-07:00

"and then you start thinking, when theres nothing else to do. dammit you say, you've realised what millions of other people realise at the very same moment. we're alone."

2006-06-01T05:21:00.000-07:00

"hopped up on the Q"

"silly bitch!"

2006-06-01T05:07:00.000-07:00

"peanuts caramel, put that in your mouth, enjoy that"

"i grabbed it by the big throat and said, fuck you shark!"

2006-05-31T07:30:00.000-07:00

my heads burning as things do when they are on fire. its hard finding metaphors right now. at least ive been given 3 days leave from my shithole in tekong. theres some virus going around and dozens of people have already got it. fever is up to 39.2 which means its almost good enough to make toast on. well not quite but close maybe.

so i thought maybe i'd go into friendster and look at some hot babes to cheer myself up. turns out i clicked on a random bulletin message and i got one of these.

"Sorry, but because u opened this you will die in 3
days. sorry. the only way you can reverse this is
by reposting it within 5 minutes. good luck

By opening this chainmail u have been given bad
luck for 2 months. If u repost this message then
the bad luck will turn good."

so i guess i'll die in 3 days, most likely of high fever or maybe an overdose of sprite. and my corpe will suffer from another 2 months bad luck, which means my family probably wont be able to afford a coffin or it will be sold to medical research where i shall be cut up for experiments which are normally conducted on lab rats. now would you rather die in 3 days or would you repost it and be a total bastard to the next person. i mean freakin hell how selfish! daaaym..

now enjoy this clip. and laugh ur freakin arse off...

2006-05-27T23:59:00.000-07:00

the O in emo stands for octagonal shapes filling my head as i spin 180 on the concrete. it stands for the orange street lighting which bounces off grey concrete buildings and fills empty hotel rooms through the gaps in the curtains. it stands for the opening between your lips where you breathe lightly/softly and the wind whistles as it passes through the spaces in your teeth. it stands for old times documented in photograph albums or written down on a piece of scrap paper, already turning yellow from age. it stands for oatmeal, orang utans and olives.

2006-05-20T05:36:00.000-07:00

louder. come on scream louder. shout till you feel your throat cramming up. because your favourite band is only playing tonight, and you wanna let them know your a thread in their shirt or a pore in their skin. a sweat drop from the lead singer hurls itself off his chin and it flies through the air. its like being in a swirling hurricane of limbs and bodies exchanging energy as they collide. its like currents in water taking you from one side of the room to the other. your part of something tonight. your part of the hurricane. part of the current. your part of the energy and it makes you feel alive. you've lost your left shoe but somehow its all part of the fun...

2006-05-13T13:29:00.000-07:00

hiaaaa. this weekend was awesome!!! BUT aw back to camp. dammit...

2006-05-11T13:30:00.000-07:00

so... its been 5 weeks of yes sirs, right away segeants and doing random punishments like touching fire extinguishers and doing chicken backsides, which kills your knees trust me. 5 weeks of waking up at 5 in the morning, dressing in green clothes and singing songs which label you as an instant patriot. 5 weeks of bald boredom, running around tracks and smelling like the opposite of fresh flowers. 5 weeks of marching in threes, walking countless kilometres with full battle order and sleeping in self dug gravelike ditches. 5 weeks of being a rankless recruit, the end of the food chain of army personnel, a maggot, a spec of dirt among hundreds of other just as significant specs. 5 weeks of seeing dicks all the time and topless males of all sizes and shapes. 5 weeks... 5 weeks. 5 weeks of dicks... dicks.... oh god... please no more dicks.

its also been 5 weeks since i did a decent entry on this totally useless page on the internet which serves no purpose but to fill my time with something to do and for you to do too. its true. army makes you a man. why? because men are horny. and the army makes you horny. suddenly maxim becomes like gold. women who you thought could chase away camels just by making eye contact are now like goddesses with silver crowns and a bunch of grapes in her left hand while a cup of red wine in the other. with a pair of eunachs fanning her with peacock feathers. then you reach mainland and your like. oh shit is that a girl? shiiiiit. w0000t... please no more dicks.

but enough about army already. im sick of talking about army. army army army... eat breathe sleep army. lets talk about clubs. i was walking around near mos tonight with my friend ( yes hes from army but shit it doesnt count as talking about army stuff) (dammit). for the record no i dont like to club because a) i dont like RnB b) i dont like grinding against people i cant see c) im scared of the tall handsome dudes who look at you like your fish bait. but anyway there are alot of people who do like to club and thats cool. so anyway, i saw all these sports cars man. fuck like ferraris, lamborgines and a car with doors that fold upwards. and their so cool. but the strange part to the whole thing is the driver is always a fat and smelly looking man. they are all old and looking for young meat to bang. why is this happening?? is this the only way old people can get laid? but i have to say it seems to work. because they always emerge from the club with a fine chick or two who probably dont know what a ferrari is, but they sure think red is a nice colour for a sports car. this is just wrong. cars are meant to transport people. not for getting old people laid. the whole universal balance of sports cars is changing and we need to change this.

happy vesak day everybody.

anyway on to more pressing issues such as what are the thoughts of a dying atheist? like shit am i going to be reincarnated as a dung beetle. that would really be bad luck man. unless your spirit is one that kinda has a soft spot for shit ( excluding your intestines). y'know i think heaven will be a nice place. like some kind of multi storey carpark for spirits with a water cooler on each floor that spurts out champange. maybe in heaven there are like flat screen televisions which display like what new movies are coming out back on earth so you dont miss anything while your gone. i wonder what hell would be like then. i guess it would be like a multi storey carpark, but on fire and really cramped up. with water coolers that spurt tar as refreshments. or maybe liquid petroleum. and they probably have the really crappy tv's that flicker all the time and show all the crap movies like pearl harbour and anything with no sex scenes. or maybe they just play britney spears and A1 hits over the radio over and over again. and if you think thats not so bad, then you really deserve to be in hell.

shit im going to end here because lack of sleep is making me slightly dillusional and im starting to hear voices in my head. wait a minute thats just music. or is it..?

2006-04-22T04:16:00.000-07:00

SAF seven core values are.

Loyatly to country.
Leadership.
Discipline.
Professionalism.
Fighting Spirit.
Ethics.
Care for soldiers.

look everybody. im now officially a robot puppet of the goverments defence force!

2006-04-22T03:44:00.001-07:00

Keep the noise low, She doesnt want to blow it.
Shaking head to toe while your left hand does the show me around
Quickens your heartbeat, It beats me straight into the ground
You dont recover from a night like this.
A victim, still lying in bed - completely motionless.
A hand moves in the dark to a zipper.
Hear a boy bracing tightagainst sheets barely whisper,
This is so messed up.
Upon arrival the guests had all stared,
Dripping wet and clearly depressed, hed headed straight for the stairs.
No longer cool, but a boy in a stitch.
Unprepared for a life full of lies and failing relationships.
(Up the stairs, the station where the act becomes the art of growing up.)
He keeps his hands low,
He doesnt wanna blow it.
Hes wet from head to toe, and his eyes give her the up and the down.
His stomach turns, and he thinks of throwing up
But the body on the bed beckons forward,  and he starts growing up.

The fever, the focus,
The reasons that I had to believe you weren't too hard to sell.
Die young and save yourself
The tickle, the taste of...
It used to be the reason I breathe,
but now it's choking me up.
Die young and save yourself.

She hits the lights,
This doesnt seem quite fair.
Despite everything he learned from his friends, he doesnt feel so prepared.
Shes breathing quiet and smooth,
He is gasping for air.
This is the first and last time, he says
She fakes a smile, and presses her hips into his.
He keeps his hands pinned down at his sides.
Hes holding back from telling her exactly what it really feels like.
He is the lamb, she is the slaughter.
Shes moving way too fast, and all he wanted was to hold her.
Nothing that he tells her is really having an effect.
He whispers that he loves her, but she's probably only looking for...
(Up the stairs, the station where the act becomes the art of growing old.)
So much more than he could ever give,
A life full of lies and meaningful relationships.
He keeps his hands pinned down at his sides,
He waits for it to end and for the aching in his gut to subside.

- brand new

2006-04-22T03:44:00.000-07:00

your the cool breeze after it rains.
your the blood that runs in my veins.

2006-04-07T11:08:00.000-07:00

goodbye you freedomlings.

2006-04-05T22:00:00.000-07:00

i was never a tantrum kid. you never lied.
but now im shouting. guess the next line.

2006-03-30T11:31:00.000-08:00

the other day when i was walking in the park, a chinese sinsei man jumped down from an olive tree. he twisted his mustache and said to me, "hey! if you want pretty nurse. be patient!". he then ran off into the trees never to be seen again. so that is the reason i have not made a decent blog entry for the past weeks or whatever. i've been pondering, meditating and being patient for a pretty nurse to come by. and yet still i have not encountered one.stupid chinese man must be bluffing.

well that certainly was a pretty crap way to start the entry, but anyhow i shall continue with the perseverance of a spider spinning a web. so only a week left until i book into hell!!! i mean national service. in the meantime its time to have as much as fun as possible. which means watching only the best television and playing the best video games at home. hahah. hey why must i always make myself sound so pathetic all the time. i have friends too you know. the whole dvd box set in fact.

but aside from that, friends, lets go out. lets go! lets go and dance in the rain and make sure the girls wear white. lets go jump off high walls and hurt ourselves and go, dude that was fun! lets go and drink beer and dance with women we dont know, nor want to know. lets go plan computer games and embrace the nerds we really are. they want to come out. let them out! speaking of nerds. any nerds out there that play morrowind? come lets chat about vvardenfall and about being the reincarnated nevarine who shall rise up against the false gods and detroy the tribunal and unite the 3 houses and restore peace and serenity to morrowind.

okaay. im so bored right now. but i have a whole list of things i can do. why not go on the internet and search for life quotes that make you sound real cool when you repeat them to your friends. make sure they contain words you yourself do not understand and then some really big ones just to make the quote sound really important. but dont use the forest gump one ("life... box of chocolates... etc) because thats just lame. or maybe you can just insert a quote into your life such as : Speed Levitch: "On really romantic evenings of self, I go salsa dancing with my confusion". but enough of quotes. if you get bored of quotes, why not move on to social profiling.

yes social profiling. just go to www.friendster.com, sign up and then add your friends ( if you have any, and not the dvd box set for goodness sake). then just go around browsing peoples accounts and socially profile them. its fun, really. then you can make your own list. like who you wanna date and who you wanna hate. who ya wanna kiss and who ya wanna piss (on). then hire a hitman and kill the people that scored no points.

or you could just go to a news website like the bbc and catch up on the latest current affairs and global issues. however they wont really come in handy considering we're all going to die in a massive ball of flame and fire. but still current affairs always come in handy in case you meet someone smart. you know, the people that know lots of stuff. however you could just end up writing an entire blog entry on all the possible things to do with your time and then end up killing all of it, and therefore end up with no time to kill. so then its really your choice whether you want to dream about doing things or do things you only dream about doing.

i think im spending too much time at home. get out into the real world, hear what life is about! "paper or plastic?", "credit or debit?", "would you like fries with that?", "no i dont want a straw!". or maybe go out and watch all the people in their work suits going around like ants with their antennas popping around, bouncing off one another and going from point a to point b carrying a tiny piece of lettuce to add to the colony.

its this kind of entry you wanna end off with a scream.

ah.......

2006-03-27T11:36:00.000-08:00

There are angels in your your angles.
There's a low moon caught in your tangles.
There's a ticking at the sill
There's a purr of a pidgeon to break the still of day
As long we go drowning,
down we go away
And darling,
We go drowning.
Down we go away.
Away.

There's a tough word, on your crossword.
There's a bed bug nipping a finger.
There's a swallow, there's a calm
Here's a hand to lay on your open palm today.
As long we go drowning,
down we go away.
And darling,
We go drowning.
Down we go away.
Away

- the decemberists

2006-03-20T06:27:00.000-08:00

oh mother nature, you are so cruel to humanity!

2006-03-14T10:14:00.000-08:00

and as i sat at the bus stop in aberdeen thinking back of the few days visiting my sister. waiting for the bus home to edinburgh which will take a dreadful 4 hours. i was at peace with everything and anything around me. and suddenly outta nowhere, down swooped a white ball with wings. it appeared to be a bird. and so it flew and stood right in front of me. i hesitated, but kept my cool, for i will not appease such a thing. and it stared, so coldly into me eyes. and it stared and stared and i didnt retreat, i stared back harder than ever. and i said to myself... "wait a minute.. your not a bird. your a SEAGULL!!!". im not afraid of seagulls. so i stamped my feet and gave it a mind signal to piss off from here because seagulls belong to the beaches. and it shuddered and spasmed and flew away. creating a flop like effect of scattering about on urban ground. it went to escape and join his other seagull friends where he belongs. stupid seagull...

and then when i was on the bus, and we were on the highway we passed a truck. and it was no ordinary truck. it was a truck transporting sheep. and the things was they were looking directly at the people in the bus. so everyone went, oooh look at the sheep. so cooped up in there and nothing to do. poor things they arent even smiling. but in my head, i was thinking. the sheep probably think the same bloody things. and my brain was proven to not be so wrong, when the people stopped laughing, got back to their claustrophobic little seat and did nothing. and my little brain went again.. "baaaa... baaaa, i am a sheep. i am white and eat.."

dad has discovered the beauty of the tagboard. so he has gone on adventures randomly tagging people on my links. so if you see anything just go piss off. im so sorry. you know how these people (at their age) tend to be when faced with new technology. nah just kidding hes just a bit mad. err okay..

anyway continuing the half complete entry. i am now back in sunny singapore. yay! no more free beer, talking to middle aged smart people, good television and snow! but oh well. only 3 weeks left till enlistment. daaaym. 3 weeks of freedom left before they shave my head and make me look like GI jane (seriously). bollocks.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2006-03-10T19:07:00.000-08:00

what happens when you mix trichloroethylene, perfluorooctanoic acid and polyvinyl chloride?

haha i dont have a fucking clue!!!

2006-03-10T18:17:00.000-08:00

hello bob. are you the sensitive male type who flinches at gruesome fist fights in action movies and tears at the end when jack and jill breakup and jills left to raise johnny all by herself? hello tom. are you the friend that will be at janes side through thick and thin and listen to her in her times of need? hello mary. do you pine for a man who works out twice a week and does grocery shopping on tuesdays? hello mom. no i havent got a girlfriend yet, what? what do you mean im a pussy?? hello dear friend. will you be with me in my crying hour, my moment of truth and the hour of darkness? hello jimmy. are you done mowing the lawn, my bill is a grown boy now. hello son. will you grow up to be just like daddy and play proffesional baseball? hello politician. i dont want to talk to you, get away. hello people who want to engage me in a debate about current affairs and pressing issues about xyz. please go away or i shall have to get out the chainsaw. hello god. i didnt know you exist but i beleive now. hello again bob so are you the guy that has sex with chicks because your in touch with your feminine side?

no?

come on get over the fact that your half assed parents named you cybil, dora or dick. stop with being the pseudo bob. the truth is everything is fucked. your a serial killer, im fat and george bush is rather incoherent. we all have flaws. its time to accept it and move on.

im just in a rather depressed mood after surfing friendster for a while. friendster just encapsulates everything that is depressing about being a teenager, doesnt it. you can have a conversation with a girl you just seen on the internet and know what films she likes what her fav hobby is and whether shes single or not, all just by looking at her friendster page. thats not what i want to get at though, ive strayed. its because when you surf friendster and you come across these people with seven thousand friends and 6 billion testimonials. and you just think to yourself. how the fark does that happen? its just so depressing to know that there are people who are so good at being a friend. and yes it depresses me, but it also inspires me. to do what? to be a better friend that is. so... yes... how are you?

and as if that isnt enough you go around and see these sexy and handsome people and think to yourself. jesus i gotta get out more often and see these foxes. i gotta stop watching television and eating milk chocolate digestives. shit. so as of now i think friendster should burn in hell and be sentenced to an eternity of whipping and verbal abuse while being dripped with melted wax and having to look at pictures of goats. and having to watch the news over and over and over and being shot in the goot with a magnum handgun. yes... i shall never support it ever again for the rest of my lifetime on this planet we call earth, for i shall boycott and refuse to ever log in to its hellish home page...

psst if you want to add me on friendster, my e mails on the right. cheers!

oh wouldn't it be lovely?

2006-03-10T14:28:00.000-08:00

DELETE

2006-03-10T13:52:00.000-08:00

oh my god, a kleptomaniac has stolen my soul!
my hypocondriac tendencies, tell me so.
dont worry ill be hunky-dory.

on a less confusing note i am angry. why you may ask? well apart from people who spit and dogs that always smell your naughty places and cheese that is blue which it isnt supposed to be eaten because its just wrong. your not supposed to eat something once its stale! well im angry at something, now ive just forgotten it because you've put me off. but nevertheless i am angry with the world at hand. angry with the pollution being puffed into the atmosphere. angry with cars that dont indicate where they are going. angry with a society of suit wearing, bald headed, mount blanc pen weilding and overall well spoken people. i am angry with the fact that we only live up to a less than a century. angry with those that live to be over a century. i am angry at my blog entry because i cant find what it is that i am angry about.

but i am happy. yes, heeee. i am happy because i am a human being and therefore i am entitled to change my mood at any time i want. i am entitled to be as randomly mooded as i want to be. so i am happy. and theres nothing you can do about it. god this is getting rather boring... why are people so depressed nowadays?? i mean in the old days (caveman days). i couldnt picture a caveperson commiting suicide because he didnt finish his homework or he didnt have enough friends. its all this pressure put on us as humans. get a degree, get a job, you must have a relationship, you must have friends. what ever happened to just being happy because your alive. to breathe the fresh air and go out on a limb to enjoy running across empty fields all by yourself. why must we all be so depressed because we have no money and our mothers refuse to talk to us anymore. come on citizens of the world. lets live like cavemen. lets go to the beach and splash in the waves. lets boycott escalators by pressiing the stop button repeatedly. lets refuse to use umbrellas when its raining and go around shouting, its not going to kill you its only less acidic than lemon juice!!

but what do i know. im just a boy. i havent gotten my first paycheck yet, just to realise that a huge chunk of it has just been taken by the goverment and the other to my cpf. i havent had children only to learn that they are just reincarnations of the devil himself. i havent married a model only to learn that she has severe mental illnesses in which she bursts into rages and trys to kill me. i havent been fired. i havent grown old and lost my hairline. i havent LIVED!!! although i do have pimples and raging hormones with no resolve. ah fuck it! its better to be depressed. that way you can look forward to being happy. but wait a second...

i thought about this the other day. looking forward to being happy. how the hell is that a statement to cheer someone up. think about it. if your only looking forward to something, then it has not yet come. and therefore your happyness is not here yet, and so you are still in your state of depression. how does this help someone who is depressed when all they learn is that they are not recieving their happyness yet, but its far away in teh distant future. i mean its not here yet, so why is that something to be cheered up about. so next time someone says to you. "dont worry mate, at least its something to look forward too". you should say piss oFF!!!1!!!!!1!!!

ahh here we are. the end of yet another blog entry. the purpose of my writing i do not know, but still i carry on in a rather confused and slightly lonely and sad fashion. i am inspired by vodka for it is my friend. you too are my friend for you have read so much and yet not posted something on my tagboard like, "your a wanker" or "die in flames mofo!". so therefore i like you very much. and thus i will continue writing of these aimless and pointless entries onto my space on the internet which is free. ahh i love the world, and you! oh and beer!!!

ahhah goodnight!!!!

2006-03-09T19:31:00.000-08:00

wherever you are, you're never too far away. says:
goodnight fucker
brandon (: says:
nights asswipe

ah its always nice to know how much your friends love you isnt it. the endearments, ahh brings a tear to my eye.

2006-03-09T19:24:00.000-08:00

;;;;;
<^_^>
( / /---,,,'
///
b b

im a little teapot short and........ ah forget it.

2006-03-09T10:26:00.000-08:00

HAHAHAHA!!! this is what happens when you have to play your number one song over and over and over. this is on top of the pops which always have the studio versions playing in the background. nirvana just could be the only group with the best sense of humour ever seen. just look at how dave drums. Hahahahah!!! ahhhh hillarious!! god bless you kurt, rip!

2006-03-05T17:51:00.000-08:00

as i dwelled in my utter state of boredom here, one that could be compared to the widely celebrated activity of bidwatching, i rememberd my day visiting the castle as a boy. and we were taken up to mary queen of scots room. and i always will remember seeing these scratch marks that literally scratched chunks of wood out of this banister and left nails marks. and i asked my teacher and she replied they are the marks mary queen of scots left as she was being brought down to be executed. and it shivered me timbers. but oh if the tale she told was true then i decided to find out about this queens death and i came across a much more funny story to be honest. and its not really funny. its just one of those things that you just wanna go "oooohhhh!! daaaaym!!!". heres the story, enjoy.

Mary Queen of Scots had a grisly time of it. She paid the executioner a purse of gold to do a good job. She may have wanted her money back! After taking off her black dress to reveal a red petticoat he blindfolded her and knelt her down with her head on the block. The axe swung down - and missed!
Well, it didn't exactly miss. He nicked the side of her neck and Mary cried out. The second chop went through the back of the neck but not all the way through. He returned to use the axe as a saw and finish the job.
But that still wasn't the end of the gruesome story. The executioner had the task of picking up the severed head and showing it to the assembled throng. Sadly, no one had told the executioner that Mary wore a wig. When he grabbed her by the hair, the head fell out of the wig and bounced across the hall.

now if you agree with me, daaaym that is one way to go to the next life! thank god they invented the lethal injection.

2006-03-04T11:56:00.000-08:00

singapore signs suck. apart from alliteration, the sentence is also cool because its true. yes i have managed to capture some impecable signs on my journeys and times. and seriously i have seen some that could just win an award for being so confusing, horrible or tourist loving (the opposite). so yes here they are, the nominees.

this one is called "pick up litter and you'll be fined $1000" other options to titles were "have evil claw hands and possess a ticket and be fined $1000" and "litter and win $1000!!", by Serangoon bus interchange.

this one, one of my favs! "what the fuck is this bomb doing here", by singapore MRT. ( on second thought, maybe they just are angry because the sign is in every language except their own. english, covered. chinese, covered. okay lets get an indian and malay to do the sign so we can save space on printing in their language. that way they wont rebel or protest. yes we are so smart we singapore advertisers)

this one, the "welcome tourists but dont do the following 3 million things on you stay on our island. please enjoy your stay, standing up straight and not breathings because we dont want our air infected with stuff from YOUR country. oh and please dont read this sign because it might cause blindness. how we dont know yet, but just dont do it. and please walk away now because the sign might fall on your foot, and thus cause a mess to our enviroment. and thus we will have to fine you a huge amount of money for having a little fun. right get in line."
which also won an award for longest title as well. yay. so what cant we do in our national parks.
1) dont make the fish look at your hook.
2) dont try and kill butterflies with miniature nets.
3) this is cheese. yup..
4) dont ask the monkeys for blowjobs (they bite, not that i would know)
5) dont molest the poor birds.
6) no fucking idea what this is.
7) do not pretend to threaten the giraffes with hats.
8) dont invite the red heads.
9) no vehicles, because they tend to run people over.
10) do not bring dogs that have been pre-beheaded.
11) dont mend the broken plants. their dead! face it.
12) what the fuck is that?? dont buy radios with cricles around them?

singapore needs better signs, better artists and better signs. too stressed to continue. goodnight.

2006-03-01T10:23:00.000-08:00

in my future examinations i am certainly going to drink a lot before going into the exam hall. not only does it numb you of the cold enviroment, but also i stimulates your creative juices and helps you create a lot of rubbish stuff. well thats one technique to try in the future, just not when your doing multiple choice, because shading the circles can get a little fustrating when you see double. i've never done it though. shit i cant afford it. no dont look at me like i like alcohol. you know what forget it. im outta here. to hell with critics!

i wanna write a book! but i dont know what its going to be about yet. dads writing a book. its about sex and mountains. well not sex on mountains, well sometimes, but not always. i would like to write about stuff but ive got to experience it first. i need to squeeze some bossoms, go fight in a war, get caught in a love triangle, meet the queen of england then kick her in the shin and lick and paste a stamp on her forehead and then run away and become wanted and then commit lots of crimes, be sent to jail and be forced to share my cell with a christian who will henceforth reform me and thus send me on a quest for religious enlightenment which will lead me to the himilayas to live with the monks of tibet. hey wait a minute. anyone who writes a book about a monk seriously has issues. i mean a monk is so boring. they just walk around looking all enlightened and at peace with the world and reach the higher conciousness where everything is alive and so on and so on. then they tend their cabbage patches and water the flowers. i mean who would wanna read that?? besides monks, who must find it extremely fun.

but really a monks life is really very interesting. actually buddhism in itself is really interesting. its nothing far fetched or based on beleif or myth. its about looking and understanding your own lives and daily problems as well. karmaaaa. one day i shall find out more.

enough seriousness for now. enough of anything for now. im hungry and cold. not to mention lacking human relation. congrats to everyone that did well for the exams! and to those that didnt achieve what they wanted to, dont worry its not the end. come back better than ever! it'll be aite. well goodnight all.

2006-02-26T16:38:00.000-08:00

im seriously getting pissed off with things around here. i cant get a decent sleep i tell ya. i lie down in my bed and the wind outside is jjust howling like a fuckin wolf. and when that happened it creeps in the little gaps in the house and makes awfully irritating sounding sounds. then the letter shaft thing is facing east where the wind blows from. and so it goes ping pang ping pang in the middle of the night. then the heater goes *CLICK* every freaking 5 seconds because its starting its warming cycle. warming if i really need it because i have a blanket the size of china which is warmer than africa and i sweat like a madman underneath. then when i remove i freeze my bollocks to death. so i have to put it back on. and everything is dark. i keep imagining things in my room. then my exzema is itchy and i gotta control myself. then when i do get to sleep my dad comes in at about 10am waking me up. goddamm it what does one have to do to get a good nights rest!?!?

today was an interesting day actually. bets were put on some football matches. namely those in the freaking third division. so money was laying on cowdenbeath to beat east stirling by 2 goals at least. so to make it interesting we actually decided to head down and catch the match first hand for some exellent excitement. sitting in the cold at 7pm with frost biting winds and a bunch of old timers hoofing a football around the pitch. unfortunately the pitch had frozen and the match was cancelled. so doing what any decent and normal minded person would have done instead, we headed to the pub.

apart from that things have been really dull. oh yeah and i climbed a 3000 foot mountain. yeah thats about it. thats all. yup...

i actually had a nice warm hat on, but it looked stupid.

and thats how high it was. if there was an adjective it would be freaking high.

2006-02-25T14:40:00.000-08:00

dell, ive got some good and bad news. but both rolled into the same package of news. voila!

Scotland 18-12 England
Scotland ended England's hopes of a Grand Slam with a gutsy display at a wet and windy Murrayfield on Saturday.

and jeremy, for you.

Murray marvels at 'dream' victory
Britain's Andy Murray hailed a "dream come true" after winning his first ATP Tour title with a thrilling victory over Lleyton Hewitt in San Jose.

so scotland really isnt that useless after all eh.

2006-02-23T13:30:00.000-08:00

my days are as exiting as steven hawkings trying to do a 360 spin. wait a minute that could be exiting. thats not the point though. apart from futurama, the simpsons and south park and other activities involving television and sofas, i am eating. yes my life consists of afternoon cartoons and evening sloth. after breakfast ( which included waking up which my god is not easy), i wait for lunch and after lunch i look forward to dinner. food gives excitement. the thrill of making a sandwich and then eating it. the sheer sense of achivement of tasting your own masterpice, even if it might just be a cheese one. but still you feel it you feel the power. the only downside to cooking is cleaning up. thats why then invented hands. you hold your lunch in your hands and then you dont need a plate. well thats if its a sandwich. you cant hold pasta in your hands unless you had really big hands and really thick pasta.

football fans should all die. why? because they are nasty arseholes. there was this recent incident of the liverpool and manure (man u) fans which could be classified under the section where evil bastards go. the liverpool fans were taunting the manu ones with the incident of munich where almost the entire man u team perished in a plane crash ( except bobby charlton). adn if thats not bad enough, the man u fans were taunting back of hillsborough where liverpool fans were crushed to death by the thousands at a nottingham forest game. well what the fuck is this all about then. football taunting each other on deaths?? animalistic bastards. drunk swines who try to provoke each other based on the deaths of thousands of people. what are they thinking. its all so crazy. modern day warfare if you ask me. getting out violent and dark behaviour in a civilised way. how civilised i dont know. anyhow they should all be gas'd to death. wait a minute im being just as violent. thats a different matter. kill the people that wanna kill!!

intermission : let me quote joel from "enternal sunshine.." forget the title but a brilliant movie ( controversial):::: " why do i fall in love with every girl that pays me the slightest bit of attention". and yes thats very true. for us people that dont have anything. and that movie for me was very beautiful ( even though it had jim carrey in it). just ignore the acting and think about the story. eternal sunshine of the spotless mind. thats it, yeah. the scene where the house is melting away. that did it for me. for anyone thats watched it.

okay intermission over. you know who else should die? cryptics. those that always say you on their blog. my god it irritates the shit outta me. thank you, i love you or, you should die in a tragic train accident. just come out and say it will you. stop making us guess who it is. if you dont want us to know who it is then dont fucking mention it in the first place. its like telling a mouse, hey ive got a load of cheese tonight, but im not telling you where it is. and the mouse is like "fuck you asswipe!". the mouse would rather dwell in his daily doings instead of thinking about a cheese that could have been. fuck you cryptics because now we look for cheese.

by the way thats directed to nobody particular. its just a general observation so dont take any offence. or maybe, its just directed to you. haha. suckers!! right anyway im tired. goodnight one and all!

2006-02-22T10:22:00.000-08:00

gigantic grunting noises, steam emitting and it darting off into the country side. no it isnt an angry fat superman, it was the train taking me top visit my grandparents. oh the joy of the occasion. the journey there wasnt much fun either because we stopped off in middlesborough. a place that is filled with the most angry looking depressed and bald men possible to populate the planet. and young kiddling shouting the likely words "fuck" and "wank" in the same sentence. well apart from that we arrived in the place called saltburn safely. granny still thinks of me as a detrukto machino. she would think everything that is touched turns instantly to dust and is pulvurised. however you spell that. grandpa is alright, i bought him whisky to keep him happy. just got back now. and i have to say the rail stations in england could just be the worst in the entire world. the amount of dirt and filth cannot be recreated using words so ill let the pictures do the talking.

notice the nice muck mark which vaguely resembles an open mouth spewing out vile liquid and drooling it halfway down its chin. yes lovely. there were other marks where people burn the plasitc casing, well for fun i guess. guess they dont have much else to do around there except vandalise and curse each other.

the entrance to doom lies here. once your inside its like a hell passage of depression death sex drugs and disgusting old men who might rape you. no im just kidding its just a tunnel.

anyway im back now. havent been on the computer for a long time. dont get much of a chance anyhow. nice to return to all the love on the tagboard and an e mail filled with junk mail asking me if i would like to bank or do insurance with them. yes very cheering up. weathers not been very nice as well. we were caught in the rain the other day and being caught in the rain at 2 degrees isnt a truckload of fun if you ask me.

bye then! hope you are all doing fine, because i have not much ability to contact anybody because dad thinks msn is evil and will fill his computer with viruses and infected things... so.. goodnight

2006-02-17T12:10:00.000-08:00

well i guess ive arrived safely in scotland. apart from obtaining severely dry skin and a hefty amount of alcohol in my system on the second night of stay, i am perectly okay. in fact im pretty much under the influence now and ill make this short because im spending an awful amount of time pressing the backspace button to erase embarrassing errors. which is quite hard.

smoking is going to be totally banned over here come 26th march. nobody is allowed to smoke at alll in any public place. so scotland is going to be smoke free! worse than singapore if you ask me. i can imagine loads of people smoking in back alleys and in little corners trying to escape the eyes of the smoke police! i mean to suddenly have a law like that is pretty much like telling people they cant wear clothes anymore. not that i would mind. but still! its these people that work behind the bars that dont smoke, who inhale so much smoke that they smoke more than a smoker does a day. a few of them have died i think. what a shame. another way could just be to circulate little gas masks when you enter a pub. that would be cool. but they prolly couldnt hear your order. so nevermind...

managed to miss my first flight in paris because there wasnt enough time to get from one terminal to another. 45 minutes, the bastards. and you gotta take buses and shit. so i arrive at my gate at 7.20 when it ays departure 7.30. and all the lights were off. sonnofabitch! so i had to get the next flight out and the person said 8 hours to wait sir. i was like.. omgwtfbbq? so i had 8 hours in one terminal to kill. i mean after you wonder the shops (not many) 3 times you know everything they sell, what prices they are, and who the staff are. and that only took about an hour at max. so you end up sitting down staring into space for 6+ hours. its the most stoning i've ever done in my life! then i reach edinburgh and my dads not there. hahah so i panic and wait cause i got no money fer a taxi. but alas he arrives and we are reunited. what a heartwarming story of fatigue, dispair, suspense, and £10 pounds spent on a lunch that was bollocks.

/edit because of 21731984124

over and out!

2006-02-13T10:04:00.000-08:00

valentines day. every womans favourite commercial holiday of february. every mans burn-a-fuckin-hole-in-my-goddamm-pocket-oh-holy-mother-mary-had-a-little-lamb-its-fur-
was-white-as-snow day. okay apart from the last bit its kinda true. it does burn holes in your pockets. but hey its worth it isnt it. yes deny yourself from the sad truth. as for me im neutral. yes the fact remains true its my 18th year consecutively without a valentine. yes someone give me a trophy! its also my 18th year consecutively not having to worry about the bill as well though. its also my 18th year consecutively wishing i had one though. lets not escape the truth shall we.

you yes you! reading this. be my valentine! no wait, your probably a fat dude from the phillipines eating a donut and in your boxers and sweated beyond repair white ah pek shirt. just like the dude from the phillipines who viewed my profile. now that was a scary incident. now for those who dont know friendster is a web service to connect friends together although it also provides windows for evil perverts and serial killers to chose victims. anyway this phillipines guy. for those who dont know hes in the archives somewhere. the archives somewhere on the right hand side of the page.

hey heres a challenge. how do you describe the right hand side without using the word right. and dont say not left because thats not allowed. i supposed you could like not wear a shoe on your right foot and then say "the side of my body without the shoe. so yah that direction! nono this way. yaya, thats right!!, oh fuck i just said right." right so anyway.

heres a quote from comedian mitch hedberg (now dead RIP). so i was in the restaurant the other day and i ordered a chicken hamburger. but the waitress didnt hear me properly so she asked, and how would you like your eggs done sir. so i tried to just go along with it, so i said. incubated. and then raised, and then beheaded, and then plucked, and then chopped up, and then put on a grill, and then in between two buns. man thats gonna take a while.. scrambled!! and yes i laughed my ass off.

so right back to valentines day. what this entry was supposed to be about. havent really packed for my leaving yet. ill probably just dump a shit load of clothes (un ironed of course) and be on my way. im gonna miss my friends, my computer, my guitar, oh yeah and theres my mum also. okay so back to the big day. ive written a poem for ya'all. hope you like it teehee.

roses are red,
violets are blue.
wait before i start,
theres gum on my shoe.

(ok)

beggars are poor.
all they need is pie.
we dont have dates,
but we'll still get high.

i am james.
you are a mystery.
valentines day is here,
my name tag spells misery! :(

if your free,
give me a call.
just dont tell me
your name is paul.

if your not,
its well okay.
we'll just make out
another day.

a girl like you.
would be good for me.
but look at my wallet,
my valentines is for free!

so dont be glum
if you dont have a date.
just stop by here.
especially if your names kate.

;)
happy valentines

2006-02-10T06:49:00.000-08:00

you know having a blog is kinda like having a girlfriend. you hang out with it all the time. your always checking to see if people tag it. you make entries on it ( for some only la). you play with it when your bored. so who needs girls when you have a blog.

and thats enough for todays consoling paragraph where i try to make my life sound unsad. on to more important things like TV mobile and valentines day. has anyone noticed the amount of citigem ads they've put on recently. every 5 seconds i hear that song come up and fiona xie appears putting her earings on in a very suggestive stance facing the camera (mirror). she then approaches some other chinese actress ( dont really care cause she doesnt have big boobs) ( im just kidding) ( she has big boobs also) ( okay enough with the boobs already) and gives her a pair as well, in a even more suggestive position. i tell ya these ads so dont know how to make you wanna buy jewelery. they only know how get a song stuck in your head for the rest of the day!! and also get some giggles from males in the bus. salute to citigems on wasting money on tv mobile when they should know, people who takes public transport have no money for expensive body decorations!!! goddaaaymm.

o level results are out. not that im taking o levels. so i wont even have to talk about that then.

leaving for scotty land this wednesday. cheap flight cheap flight. so i wont be here to get my a level results. i can just imagine my mother telling me on the phone. "you failed miserably!!". im going to have nightmares of the sort. i can also imagine her toying with my feelings... "you did horribily... well.... at not getting any A... level fails..... because you passed... nothing... badly... because you passed with flying colours... if you consider red ( fail colour) flying...". i really just wanna collect them personally. but oh well.. being told verbally that your life has just ended just doesnt cut it. i need to see it on paper. in cold printed ink on that horrible goverment paper.

celebrating dons birthday was fun. well the fact that don wasnt there kinda defeated the purpose but jeremy and loo and i still downed some liquid babes ( alchohol) and made merry. no worries don, really. just make sure you have a free day before i is zhao from singapore.

cmon everybody smile, i wanna see your gums. even if you dont want to. good night.

2006-02-09T22:12:00.000-08:00

"she tosses back another. her shaking slows to a stop. her voice loses its crushed-coke-bottle edge and goes husky, creamy with false confidence. shes on her way to getting as happy as she ever gets"

2006-02-08T22:23:00.000-08:00

you know ah, life is a bit like eating a bag of peanuts. or sweetened cashews that is. well why? because you use the computer and you eat them nuts, and after a while the eating just becomes something unconcious. when your mouth is empty you just fill it up with nuts again. kinda like life, where you just continue with everyone around you. all your friends ( the nuts, well literally also) and those who are more than friends. you continue munching and munching. it too becomes so subconcious that your surrounded by love. only when you run out of nuts! ah. thats when you realise for the first time in so long your mouth is empty and it feels so different. you got no more nuts to chew man! so next time your enjoying a bag of nuts, relate it to your own life. and you will realise that you gotta cherish your loved ones while you can. cherish your nuts man, cherish them. your big nuts...

okay anyway.

2006-02-07T07:31:00.000-08:00

alright and now for the final question. are you ready?

yes i'm ready.

...

yah that was the question...

now a wise man once told me. if life gave you apples. well that was about it.

anti climatics are just SO cooLthey just make me wAnNNA.... sleep.

2006-02-03T09:01:00.000-08:00

you know what i dont get? i dont get the chinese practice of burning stuff. all these mansions and cars and money are all burnt, ensuring that they get all these goodies when they go to hell. man, what if hell aint got no roads? or shops? and land for lease? what you gonna do with all your stuff balls? reburn ah then send back? i tell you if i could burn anything for me in hell, i'd burn like... a thousand fire extinguishers man! then i'd put out all the fire in hell. hehehe. eh might as well i burn myself a fire truck or two. hahah then hell no more fire then i'd be like the new messiah. but i could take it easy ah. i just burn god la. then he go hell and fight!! then beat satan up. or maybe i just burn heaven. then heaven so big sure replace hell what. or maybe ill just stick to burning angelina jolie and winona!! but skarly they cannot come my hell. singapore hell probably damm strict on terrorism, their immigration sure fail. burn fiona xie!

does anyone agree with me when i say iGallop is a sex machine? i mean whoever designed it is either a fucking retard or purposely trying to create something titilating man! seriously. its just wrong. it is just WRONG. its just so wrong that it just shouldnt exist. i mean its bad enough the advertisement has three women "riding" the iGallop. but today at simlim, we saw the salesman riding one. i mean... do i really have to explain to you intelligent readers what riding someone means? those who are innocent it is a sex position :) and to add to the badness rating why the EFF is there an i at the front??? its not made by apple. what the fuck is it there for? what does it stand for? intelligent? intensive? idiotic maybe. or maybe idunnowhytheheckyouinventedthisGallop.

so this my friends.. is just wrong.

im too stressed to go on. goodnight!

2006-02-02T16:50:00.000-08:00

handphone : spoilt
mp3 player : spoilt
watch : no batteries
computer : overheats
guitar : string burst
printer : no ink
skin : rash
mind : non existant

man there are so many things i gotta fix right now, its so not funny!

2006-02-02T02:32:00.000-08:00

why use big words, when small words take less energy to type and convey the message better.

eh?

its just so platitudinous and hebetudinous if you ask me.

2006-02-02T01:58:00.000-08:00

what does PC stand for.

well i know because the P in PC stands for hell.

but i shant wander into computer troubles because life has so much more to offer. like beer and pretty women. although i get neither there is still much to be had. like money and a good job. im just depressing myself here so lets move on. i think i am pretty much comparable to a wild animal. i hibernate exessively and then wake up and stay awake for 48 hours. pyjamas are just too comfortable to change out of. whoever invented them mustve been a dumbass, or someone with a very irritating alarm clock. a really good alarm clock would be one that cant be turned off. its called the sun and its fucking irritating and hot. screw the sun. maybe thats why people sleep at night. ive got to be a normal person.

in fact if i ever become a normal person, i will not be one. once my life stagnates and swirls into a spriral of boring meaningless and everyday tasks which invlolve paper and rudimentary brain work, i will grab life by its little neck and twist it until it screams, "ahhh change!". and i'll move to a new country and partake in a small little company inhabited by humorous individuals who are geeks, but get laid every friday. and then after a while, ill just die.

i've forgotten im an a levels student. or an ex one at that. suddenly my mum was like when are your results coming out. and suddenly i was brought down to earth. oh yeah so thats what im waiting for. i've become so uselessly ocupied with hobbies that i've forgotten what my life task is. you know life task. everyone has one. get a job. get a car. get a house. get a wife. get a kid. get another one. get a widescreen television. get a dog. get another wife. get away. get high. get laid. get dead. so right now my life task involved sitting around collecting stubble waiting for a slip of paper that shall determine the rest of my life. hehe but paper can be recycled.

these dumbasses downstairs really have no/very little brain matter. dont they realise they are playing in front of a hdb block. and noise travels upwards. and when your playing soccer and you miss a goal, your likely to shout something like, "fuck la chee bye!!". i bet you some kids go home at night and get a whollop man. the only time i ever got a whollop was from my primary school bus driver. that mofo caned my hand man. thats why till this present day im scared to hold girls hands. no relation but its an excuse at that. my parents never beleived in harsh punishment ( did you dad?). if i was a parent i'd fine my kids! you know like tax. i mean as a kid money is like the next most important thing, next to video games and porno. so when you tax a kid. its like whacking him 100 times. plus you get to save some bucks as well. put it in his university fund. just dont tell him it the uni stand for you and i.

anyone remember that game where you pass the ring through a long winding rod trying not to make contact? and when you accidentally touch the rod it goes BUZZZ ZAAAP. yeah well that game sucks.

2006-01-31T14:37:00.000-08:00

yay GO flash gordon!!!

2006-01-31T13:26:00.000-08:00

dammit, my legs are leaving me.
they are being swept into the ground,
to join the minions and crowds of historically wronged men.
oh and let heaven pull me back by my arms.
stretching me between two non existants.
and end up ripping my body in half.
and my soul goes free.
yay..
where am i to go?
oh well

2006-01-30T16:14:00.000-08:00

i've spent the last 20 minutes staring at my desktop trying to think of things to do. maybe sleeping all day isnt such a good thing. i havent seen more than 3 humans at once for the past 2 days. chinese new year has been spent in the dark. ( and not because i dont get any ang baos. <-- ccb). so instead of sitting in my swivel chair and wasting my meaningless life away, i have decided to come to this space on the internet and waste my time in a more productive manner. ie : writing things that are generated from my brain.

i have been living my life as a hermit. wondering around the house looking for things to eat and things to do. kinda of how a beggar wonders the streets, but i do it all in the space of two rooms. the kitchen and my room. ( and occasionally the bath room). my life revolves around two very simple items, my bed and my computer. why? because im a bum and i love it! come to think of it i havent watched television for more than 15 minutes in ages. why? because its so fucking horrible what they show on channel 5. they could not assemble a worse lineup of late night, and early morning, shows that could alternatively be used as prisoner of war torture.

i mean to sit through an episode of days of our lives is probably the stupidest thing you could do with an hour of your life. i mean you would think they'd stop it after its first decade. but their writer are still so full of shit that they just write more bullshit to keep the show running. i mean there are what 30 characters. and one person has probably slept with the rest of the cast at least twice in the whole time its been around. i remember a year or so ago, the doctor was possessed by the devil. also theres this dude called stefano and hes just the funniest badass ive ever seen. he has a mob accent but his right hand man is well.... non existant. he only has this daughter who does dirty jobs for him. hes like a mob boss, but wihtout the mob and much more lonely. this paragraph has gone on longer than it should. days of our lives does not even deserve enough to be described to someone. im sorry people who love the show. but you should be shot.

cant wait to jam with gao and jeremy. i'd actually have the pleasure of interacting with real human beings. oh yay. trouble is i have 5 hours to kill and nothing to fill it with. never the less, i shall try still to take a nap... oh im such a n00b at life.

fat lazy slob over and OUT!

2006-01-29T09:31:00.000-08:00

i've come to a conclusion. i have seen probably the worst invention since disposable underwear or chicken glasses. ( yeah they made these glasses cause chickens tend to peck each others eyes out). the newest useless piece of tin garbage to come out of a humans mind is the msn nudge function. i mean seriously it has no logical function other than to irritate and fustrate and push a person to his/her limits of madness and/or insanity. i mean it nudges your whole freaking screen and you have to stop whatever your doing and look at this nudge there. its almost as bad as pushing the person in real life, ( which has happened to me before and its the closest ive ever come to getting angry at someone). so theres this person on my msn list and he keeps nudging me and not saying anything. and over and over. and over... i mean msn is for people to communicate and talk. not to freaking cross the physical boundries and start shoving people. i mean come on!?

on the subject of bad inventions, heres a few extras. heehee.

well at least no more spillage. maybe they come in different colours to match your outfit. they have another one that attatches a fan to cool the noodles as you pick them up with chopsticks.
what? did i hear fucked up? daaaaym right.

yay now i can actually sleep on the train!! just have to CARRY THIS TRIPOD WITH ME WHEREVER I FUCKING GO!!!

the perfect gift for farmers. the ultamite farming accessory kit!! perform all your gardening tasks with one simple tool. they once had the swiss knife. well now its the japanese heavyasballsfarmingthing..

on the verge of visual images which are taking over my blog. i shall disperse another couple of images.

i was thinking of cutting my hair recently. because its getting all long and its messy. so i searched the internet for some good haircuts. i came up with a few good ones. tell me what you think. which one should i get?

the "center, yet not center parting?"

the "center that goes in all directions parting?"

or the "my hair is parting my forehead?"

good night.

2006-01-28T06:16:00.000-08:00

happy chinese new year/gong xi fa cai/ merry chinky day/ chink day!

2006-01-27T10:18:00.000-08:00

OMGOD. SHIOOOOK.

and today instead on writing a load of utter bullshit i dispense to you two pieces of visual pleasure. one winona, one arctic monkey.
click here to see their video of a fuckin good song.

PEACE!

2006-01-24T09:40:00.000-08:00

just ate a bag of ken ken cod fish snacks. and now i feel like vomiting all over my keyboard.
good night.

2006-01-22T20:56:00.000-08:00

ever seen little nuances in everyday conversations?
and realise, they mean the world.

2006-01-22T18:00:00.000-08:00

following numerous entries on my mudder, i have yet more tales from the crypt to tell of her. yes she is that interesting. today is about contradiction. because she embodies the word so perfectly. its not fun having a mother that is menopausing and having severe mood swings and stress attacks. sometimes i feel kinda bad because i have absolutely nothing to do at all besides housework. and since i live with her alone, its kinda like having a wife that you cant divorce. like being trapped in a ant hill, with a million red ants biting you to death. like being hanged by the feet over a bed of spikes, only to have a small mammal chew the ropes. its like being chased by a boulder through a narrow passageway. its like trying to jump a gap in the rocks, but only to fail and end up ramming your nails into hard rock to try and salvage your life as you slide through. like.. well...

so its 9am and im listening to music and using the computer aimlessless in my attempt to entertain myself. mother storms in, i have to check my e mail. ( today is extra special because their taking my aunt to hospital, and not the type for injuries). if you didnt get that never mind, you actually shouldnt. so i leave my music playing while i exit the room to make a drink. i think the decemberists are mellow enough to let my mom listen to without having a nervous breakdown. but low and behold when i return she tells me, "what is this rubbish your listening to. teenage angsty crap. dont know what you all are listening to nowadays..". now the decemberists are not angsty at all. there we are. they are a very mellow slow sound and lyrics are far from puberty and breakups. i have a feeling that she is just having her mood swing and is feeling extra like, i want to find fault with something james is doing! even when im not doing anything at all.

my reply. whos the one thats angsty huh? daaaym. i mean its bad enough being scolded for something i AM doing. like say, not washing my cup this morning. and leaving the light on, or not hanging up my clothes, or something that could possibly cause the house to explode, or maybe leave a object 5 inches from the edge, which may possibly fall and cause unwanted trouble. now that i am F-I-N-E with. in fact im used to it. actually i kinda enjoy being scolded, because it makes me a better person. i learn to do things right from then on. i learn the value of money and also to value my own life and not take dangerous risks around the household. i also learn to keep my living enviroment clean. this is totally cool. but, to scold me for listening to soothing music and doing absolutely nothing is crossing the line!

this is WAR!

2006-01-22T10:26:00.000-08:00

click here to see one of the best stand ups, by the most pissed off lunatic in the world.

2006-01-20T08:11:00.000-08:00

MRT horror strikes!!

today has to be the most trouble i've ever experienced ever in my entire life. having had close to no sleep the previous night and my handphone being dead ( spoil liao), i knew getting jeremy to hop on at serangoon was not going to be easy. and it proved so. i left hougang and reached serangoon. jeremy wasnt at cabin 12 so i got off. having no phone i wait and wait like a dumbass down there. at 2 o clock i know this has to be wrong so i tap out and use 10 cents to call him. "daaaym im at orchard dude!!, okay ill wait here for you". so i get back and tap back into the NEL. like screw adult fare man! dammit its half an hour past the time we agreed to meet at.

so... i get down the escalator and get onto the next train. yes alright im on my way to dhoby ghaut to change trains! w00t. so i fall asleep. but before i sleep in a dream like state already i hear the words "boon cock". and i said eh how come boon keng sounds like buangkok?? i dunno if i spelt the stations right but who gives a shit anway. so i go to sleep. next thing i know im at fuckin Sengkang!?!?! so i get off and im like.. what the ****. ( fill in with any vulgarity you like). so i get on the NEL once more and head to good ol dhoby ghaut!

then... the next thing i know and realise, here i am at fuckin outram park!?!?!?!? and i was once again like.. ah what the ****? so i get off and walk over to the red line trains. so here i am waiting for the train to take me to city hall. and then at city hall i have to change again to get to orchard. and while standing there i kinda thought i think i was sitting on the mrt head resting on the back of the seat, probably drooling or mouth agape, looking like a fucking retard down there. but nevermind because i didnt realise it soon enough to be concious. and meanwhile theres jeremy waiting at orchard with no clue in heaven where the heck i am.

now this is what i call mrt horror!! and when on the way to orchard liao, after taking 5 different trains, im standing there and this couple get on at raffles place. and their all like, hee hee no your pretty. no you are. oh hee hee. then the bloody train starts moving and they come tumbling into me and i hit the mother behind me. and she tells her son, "wahlau dont even know how to say sorry!". because i didnt really care, i was too busy trying to stay awake standing up. and i have to say even that is difficult.

aiya anyway, finally met jeremy. seriously i need to get my phone repaired. but if any kind soul wanna lend some chak chak one please be my guest, heh heh. bollocks. anyway all that free time, got me thinking about the future again. and i came up with a vision. everyone will be overweight and the human species will turn into one like the ogres. why you ask?

just look around man. the graphics in games are getting so good. the whole term sport will entirely be Electronic sooner or later. therefore there is no real reason to play sports anymore. just buy an xbox33 by then and play a soccer game with your friends. or log in online and play with people from brazil. isnt that cooler than playing at braddel heights will kids that kick your shins? tennis will also lose out and these virtual players will look so good, we could have sharapova versus sharapova. and then the whole match would just be like "UGH... UGHUGH... UGHUGH... UGHUGH... UGHUGH... UGHUGH... UGHUGH... UGHUGH... UGHUGH... UGHUGH... UGHUGH... UGH..." you couple this with the whole teleporting stuff and instant food and shit, we aint gonna do anything. we'd just build robots to do everything. we'd become fat, yes very fat. and we'd become so fat that we'd be like fat bastard from austin powers. then we'd be so big that we couldnt ever mate. and so the human race will become extinct!!! and robots will take over the world!

dammit, why dont the futurologists think of this. nobody takes me serious...

okay lyric time.

You're the echoes of my everything,
You're the emptiness the whole world sings at night.
You're the laziness of afternoon,
You're the reason why I burst and why I bloomed..
You're the leaky sink of sentiment,
You're the failed attempts I never could forget.
You're the metaphors I can't create to comprehend this curse that I call love..
- motion city soundtrack

2006-01-19T10:56:00.001-08:00

apa sial jeremy? what happened?

2006-01-17T12:30:00.000-08:00

i'd like to share it with the world.
something i dont possess.
i'd be content with what was.
what was, what is, and what could-have-been.

2006-01-14T12:02:00.000-08:00

marcel is right, sinday mornings do come without warning. it suddenly is 4am on a sunday. sundays are weird days. most people recognise them as church days. some see it as the last day of the week. some see sundays as days out to have fun with friends. others, like me see sundays as the same as thursdays. thursdays are weird because it isnt the end of the week yet, but yet you really want it to be friday. and on sundays you really want it to be saturday again. because on satrdays, you still have sunday to feel like letting it be saturday. if your not following me that probably means you are a sane individual. if you are following me means you are an enlightened sonnofabitch!

as juliet once said, "whats in a name?". i say, whats in a blog?
and the reply is, bullshit.

juhairul gave me an awesome link the other day and i've been reading it since. the world could end soon. what do you say? massive world wide earth quake? volcanic eruption? global warming? terrorism? well not really we're going to kill ourselves. well sort of. our oil is running out. we are going to require more than can be supplied in what 5 years time. ( no facts here sorry, just the jist = we're doomed). and from then on a steep decline. and then we wont have any gas to drive a car, cook our food, fuel to light our ciggarettes.

UNLESS, we can come up with a way to bypass this. we could invent hovercrafts that run on third world children. we could use matches and our beard stuble to light our sins. or maybe we'll search the universe and find a planet that is inhabited by an alien breed that are fire breathers. then we shall meanacingly over take their world and use them in our stoves back on earth. we shall tell their fire breathing leader : cook our food or we will cook you! and then we wont have to worry about fuel running out. only need to open a factory mass producing these little aliens creatures...

why is it that only after the A's, i've begun to appreciate my literature texts. i've started reading thomas hardys return of the native now and it actually is a good book. considering i only read the chapter summarys and certain quotes for the exam. reading the book as a whole, its just filled with little nuances which make it such eye candy. tee hee. stupid me i should have done this earlier.

you're super, you really are.
just like your tee-ball trophy says, you've come so far.
it was just a matter of a little time
before you've got the dog, the tots, the pretty wife.
the post man waves, the cashier smiles.
the boss is glad, you please the clients.
you take a bow, the crowds all cheer.
it took alot of super stuff to get you here.

you're super, you really are.
you'll talk the meter maid out of the parking fines
you'll read the paper, you'll sip your mug,
while little bob and janey sing between the lines.
the postman waves, the cashier smiles.
your boss is glad, you meet deadlines.
you take a bow, the crowds all cheer.
it took a lot of super stuff to get you here.
to get you here

- say hi to your mom

on a more serious note, i learnt a lot today from jason
"just learn every step of the way, that way you wont fail"

2006-01-08T04:52:00.000-08:00

msn status : Out To Lunch
time : 9.10pm.
real status : Watching people sign in.
real real status : Hungry as balls.

its been raining cats and dogs for the past few days sial. gods been pissing down on us all, so stop sinning everybody. speaking of luck franz is coming to singapore in feb!! the unlucky part being that ill be where they come from when they come here. like a gigantic weeping pile of rubble i shall be curled up in my bed dreading my missing of franz ferdinand. but ill just wipe my tears as they fall onto my gigantic mass of a belly. been having some strange dreams lately. i had one where i was dressing up for prom and wore all black and eyeshadow and then i went out through my window and then it ended there. its like a wet dream that isnt wet, it just ends abruptly with you going.. hey wtf mate? i thought i'd be like a cool vampire or something that traverses all the roof tops and such. dreams can be so annoying. you think your in contorl but your not. its like watching tv, but your the show.

on the topic of things being interrupted, mother returned from perth today. thus marking the end of freedom and no curfews and no authority. mwahah. but on the bright side, its back to food, money and a mean cup of milo! past two weeks have been hectic shit, going out with jeremy and sarah almost everyday. well we've got to make the most of the time eh! but today was breaking point. we all just crumbled under the pressure to enjoy ourselves that we became part time jello people, and spent the day on our butts. the fact thats its raining just helps. whats up man? icebergs in heaven also melting ah? basket.

the rash is actually improving ( but doctor said look to a whole life of eczema!) but anyway i think its because i havent had time to scratch. hopefully by april it will be alright to be able to do my ns properly. part of me wants a desk job : you can keep your hair, wear PT kit to camp, and go home everyday at 5pm. but part of me also wants : grueling training, being shouted profanities at, crawling in the mud, firing massive weapons at cardboard, stripping and assembling a rifle with a blindfold, cmomenting on others manhood in the shower, and so on. so yes having a desk job sounds completely utterly fuckin boring compared to that. oh well ill just bring an xbox to camp and play with the other infected/dying/rashy/broken limbed recruits. is it me or have i blogged about this before? hahah daaaaaaaym!!

im 7 photos away from completing my 69 collection. you'll find out what it is soon enough

2006-01-06T04:16:00.000-08:00

Amongst the vending machines
And year old magazines
In a place where we only say goodbye
It stung like a violent wind
That our memories depend
On a faulty camera in our minds
And I knew that you were a truth
I would rather lose
than to have never lain beside at all

- deathcab

2006-01-05T09:24:00.000-08:00

i promise to give 1/2 of my life savings to sah.
promise is a promise is a promise
cross my heart and hope to die.

/edit
and thats what you get for leaving your blogger password on your computer.

so cue the drumroll and sound the trumpets...
SARAH HAS RETURNED!!!!

gimme a yip gimme a kay gimme a yey.
yippeekayyeeey.

2006-01-02T08:24:00.000-08:00

well, bonjour to you, whoever you are. here comes the dusting off the cobwebs entry because i have become a very boring person with nothing to blog about. kekeke. dad called and said he liked my lego fuck, and urged me to enter it into the turner prize. i actually deep down had a vision that such a childrens toy could announce such an adult theme to the world, showing the merging of old and young and the conversion of truth and beauty in a sphere of reality with dinosaurs and flying mammals and...

goddam really i havent blogged since last year sia. since ma relaxed her curfew of 11pm to : ah do what you want la fuck, i've been out out out! mwahah. and i dont give a damm! new years was better any other new years ever man. i always spend it with old people in scotland but this year was refreshing! talking about refreshing so were the many drinks. its nice to be so careless and have people around you who cant walk straight. so happy new year everybody.

wah can tell the ol fingers are getting rusty. humour is running dry and words are being squeezed out just to make this entry a decent length. what for anyway? i also dont know. blogs are retarded and i own one. but i choose not to fill it with what i did today entries. i find them very meaningless. today i went out with ah tong, and we went to eat prata. does that really entertain? i dunno. maybe then other people can read it and feel sad that they stayed at home all day in their yellow stained singlet in front of the television, and then proceed to cut their wrists. or it could work the opposite way. people read it and go hahah what a loser stay at home and watch tv and cut wrists. i went to eat prata with ah tong, wah i roxz! .......till the next time stranger.

cue the canned laughter,
cause everybody is crying now.
tears dry up on your cheek,
in vertical manner from your eyes.
and as they smile,
it cracks the crusty sadness away.
but this isnt a happy verse.
because the bullet enters,
from a well oiled 9mm.
and he thought to himself,
if it would hurt or not.
the next morning they found him.
in crimson glory,
this is the countdown,
count to 10 and hold your breath.
and when it starts to hurt, dont stop
well she didnt and now she lies
in an underwater labryinth.